


I'll Make This Perfect Again

by AlwaysLay



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Prequel Chapter, Self-Harm, Smut, possible trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 10:42:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13006080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysLay/pseuds/AlwaysLay
Summary: Did you ever fall in love with your best friend? Did you just learn your feelings for them weren't exactly platonic just in time for them to find love elsewhere? What if your best friend was a male, just like you, and he was gay, too, but he didn't like you like that? What if he had had a secret boyfriend for a year and told only you about it and no one else? What if they finally broke up and his ex spread around the school he was gay, effectively outing him to everyone, just to have everyone in the school look down on him and bully him? What would you do? Would you stay around to help him through everything, always being by his side though it caused you so much pain, just to be there for him, or would you give up and leave him, too, for your own sake?





	1. One

Did you ever fall in love with your best friend? Did you learn your feelings for them weren't exactly platonic just in time for them to find love elsewhere? What if your best friend was a male, just like you, and he was gay, too, but he didn't like you like that? What if he had had a secret boyfriend for a year and told only you about it and no one else? What if they finally broke up and his ex spread around the school he was gay, effectively outing him to everyone, just to have everyone in the school look down on him and bully him? What would you do? Would you stay around to help him through everything, always being by his side though it caused you so much pain, just to be there for him, or would you give up and leave him, too, for your own sake?

This is the story of my life with Baekhyun, the boy of my dreams, who's bullied every single day, sometimes it's just a mean joke, some days it's a cruel comment, and other days it's someone stealing his clothes during his shower after gym class, so he had absolutely nothing to wear, and the worst days are when he's actually beaten up, and I find him alone in a corner somewhere, curled into a ball with a black eye and a busted lip.

I swore to myself I'd never leave him, no matter how hard it got for me to see him, but it was becoming too much for me. All the bullying had started at the end of our sophomore year, but we were seniors now, and he was still given the same treatment. Even new students learned about the 'school faggot' and never lost an opportunity to pick on him. I had become his shoulder to lean on, the person that would never judge him, hold his hand when someone said something mean, shield him from stares when his clothes were stolen, tend to his injuries when he was beaten, and hold him at night when he cried himself to sleep. I hated that I had thought to myself multiple times that it was time for me to leave him too, that my heart just couldn't take it anymore, being there for him in whatever way he needed, only to receive nothing in return except his small thank you's that just weren't enough anymore.

I was supposed to make everything perfect again, but I didn't know how much longer I could keep it up.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

Another week was flying by, the few incidents with Baekhyun were nothing that he hadn't experienced before and were just things like people pushing him against his locker and calling him a fag or yelling some rude remark at him in the hall. He'd had a pretty good week and in return, I had as well. And now that it was Friday, I was hoping we could keep up the streak.

Since he'd been dealing really well and was okay to be alone, I had spent the week sleeping at my own place. My parent's understood his situation and sympathized with how hard it was for him to deal sometimes, so they never opposed me staying at his house for weeks on end, as long as I called to tell them how he was doing and if either of us needed anything. Baekhyun's parents treated him well, too, knowing what happened and how he was treated at school, but I think they just didn't know how to help, and so pushed all the responsibility to me to help their son through all his problems.

But they didn't know the lengths my help ran. Most often it was just me hugging him or cuddling with him, rubbing his back and whispering calming words to him so he would stop crying. Sometimes it was nursing him when a bully got physical with him and he ended up with injuries. And a lot of times it was holding him all night so he could sleep peacefully, knowing nothing could happen to him if he was wrapped up in my arms. These were all things that both his parents and my parents knew about. The things they didn't know about happened more often than I would like to admit and sometimes left me feeling ashamed of myself or mad at myself for letting it happen. Sometimes he asked me to kiss him, ranging from just a peck on the lips to a full-on makeout session. Sometimes he asked me to touch him, something to tell him that not everyone thought about him the way the bullies at school did; that someone could actually be gentle and caring to him. And sometimes he wanted to have sex and more often than not, he dominated. While I was always the top, he held complete control and I did everything he wanted, just to appease him and let him know that he could control something in his life. But I usually felt awful afterwards, feeling like I was taking advantage of him in a vulnerable situation, and even worse when I realized that he never held the same kind of attachment in his heart to these moments like I did; I had long since realized he didn't feel the same way about me as I did him, and I refused to bring it up.

I had reached the point of questioning whether or not to give up, but then thought that maybe I was overreacting when this week went by so easily. I realized maybe I was just being overdramatic and playing everything up too much.

I had gone through my first five classes of the day and lunch without a hitch, texting Baekhyun here and there to check up on him. He always said he was doing good, and he seemed relatively happy at lunch, sitting on my lap and feeding me occasionally, laughing and contributing to the conversation with me and my friends.

But walking to my last class of the day, I knew something was wrong. I felt it in my gut that was something was off and my instinct told me it was Baekhyun. I texted him to ask how he was, and I never got a response. He always texted back within a minute, whether the response was good or bad. But I didn't get anything and I was really starting to worry. I knew there was one place he would be if something was bothering him, so I asked the teacher to excuse me to go the restroom, and instead walked myself to the gardens in the back of the school, a place almost no one visited anymore.

I thought it was deserted when I got there, not seeing anyone sitting on the benches or sprawled out on the grass, so I was about to head back inside, hoping I could find him somewhere else, when I heard my name being called in the lightest, saddest cry I had heard in a long time. I turned around to find where it came from, to see Baekhyun, curled up under a bench in a part of the garden that the light didn't reach, tears falling down his face and his body shaking in sobs. As I got closer, I saw his shirt was wrinkled, bunched up around his chest and ripped at the collar almost completely in half. I didn't know what had happened, but he was clearly very shaken up by it.

“Come here, Baek,” I whispered lightly, kneeling at the edge of the bench on the ground, trying to coax him out. He shook his head, still holding his knees tightly to himself and refusing to leave his spot. I tried coaxing him again, only getting the same result. I finally had to drag him out, holding him in my lap and rocking him back and forth until his cries died down enough for me to understand him.

“What happened, Baek? Did they hurt you again?”

“N-no. They d-didn't hit m-me,” he stammered out, his crying keeping his speech from being steady.

“Then what happened? Why is your shirt torn up?”

“H-he cornered me. H-he told me I-I was a slut a-and deserved what h-happens to me. H-he said he k-knew I liked it a-and he touched me. I-I tried to get a-away, but he trapped m-me. H-he wouldn't stop t-touching me and I-I hit him and g-got away. He d-didn't follow me here s-so I stayed.” I felt the anger rising up in me as he explained what happened, fuming over the fact that someone had tried to rape him, and in school at that. I was curious as to who did it, wanting to hunt them down and kill them, but I decided to let it go for now, knowing Baekhyun needed to be cared for first. This was the first time anyone tried something like this on him, and I didn't think he would bounce back so easily from this like he does everything else.

“Why didn't you answer my texts?”

“I d-didn't want to w-worry you.”

“Baek, this isn't like someone said something mean to you or hit you. Someone tried to rape you. You're never bothering me when you're upset and this is something I needed to know. You should've texted me immediately.”

“Are you m-mad?”

“Not at you, but I am at the asshole who did this to you. Baek, I know everyone tells you your useless and no one will ever love you and no one cares about you, but I do. I care about you a lot and I need to know when something happens to you. I don't want you to think you can't tell me about something like this.”

“Are you g-going to tell my p-parents?”

“Yes. I think they need to know about this. But if you don't want me to, I won't tell anyone else. Not even the principal. We can move past this together, if you want, or we can do something about it and make sure that asshole suffers the consequences. It's up to you. But your parents need to know. I can't let you keep this from them.” He whimpered, burying his face in my chest and clutching my shirt tight. “We don't need to worry about that right now, but I do need to get you home. You shouldn't stay here and I don't want to be here, cause if I see that creep that did this I don't know what I'd do.”

“But y-you'll miss your class.”

“That doesn't matter. All that matters right now is you. And I'm getting you home now.”

“W-will you stay with me tonight?”

“Of course. I'm not leaving you alone for a long time.” I gently kissed his temple, then tucked his head under my chin, holding him close and rocking him back and forth. I was determined to make him alright again.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

I texted Kris before we left, asking him to get my stuff together and bring it over to Baekhyun's house after school. He said okay and asked what happened, but I just told him I'd explain when he got there.

I gave Baekhyun my hoodie to wear, trashing his shirt since it was destroyed anyway. I carried him out to my car, going the long way around the school so we didn't have to pass the front desk. I didn't want to explain what was going on and I knew Baek didn't want me to either. I made sure he was safely buckled in before getting in the driver's seat and heading to his house, hoping his parents wouldn't be home just yet. I wanted to make sure he was comfortable and sleeping before I talked to them. And I didn't want him to be there when I did. Luckily, they weren't there when I pulled in, so I carried him to his room easily, placing him on his bed gently.

“Baek, can I take your jeans off? You need something more comfortable to wear.” I asked him first, not wanting to upset him by just doing it myself. Normally, he wouldn't have a problem with it, and might've asked me to do it himself, but after what he had just gone through, I didn't want to trigger anything.

“Yeah,” he answered softly, nodding his head slowly. I grabbed a pair of sweats from his dresser before sitting next to him on the bed, slowly unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans before pulling them off his legs. I was trying to be really gentle with him. I noticed small bruises on his hips, probably where the person had held him roughly, and I knew they would be worse tomorrow, only adding fuel to my rage at this person.

I quickly dressed him again before switching out my jeans for a pair of sweats as well. I had so much clothes here from all the time I stayed here it seemed like I lived here. I got in bed with him, covering us both up and pulling him against me, letting him burrow into my chest and hide himself. His tears had quit and his voice wasn't so shaky anymore, but I knew he was still really upset. He hadn't said anything on the ride home and his grip on my hand was tight.

It wasn't long before I felt him relax in my hold, his breathing steadying out, telling me he was asleep. I stroked his hair lightly, hoping to keep away any bad dreams and keep him calm, even in his sleep. I heard the sound of car doors closing outside and the front door opening up, then a voice calling my name. It was his dad. They knew my car and knew that if I was here again, something must've happened. I didn't bother answering, knowing he'd come up here to check on Baekhyun anyway. His bedroom door creaked open and I saw his dad's head peek in, seeing us together in his bed.

“Is he alright?” he whispered, seeing Baekhyun was asleep.

“No. Today was really bad. I'll come out in a minute and tell you. I just want to make sure he stays asleep first.”

“Okay,” he whispered before backing out and closing the door quietly.

I continued cuddling him, stroking his hair gently for a few minutes, wanting to make sure he wouldn't wake up once I left the bed. When I was sure he would be okay, I slowly slid out of his grasp, sneaking him his long body pillow as replacement, hoping he wouldn't notice the difference. He clutched it tightly, hugging it to himself and hiding his face in it.

Seeing that he was okay for the time being, I followed the hallway to the living room, seeing his father at his desk in the corner. I sat in the chair across from him, wondering how he would take this information about his son. He had always been worried about Baekhyun, and I knew he wanted to do something to help, but he just didn't know what. The love was there, he just didn't know how to show it.

“What happened today?” he asked, watching me closely.

“The day started out okay and he had no issues, but when I texted him before our last class, he never responded. That's very weird for him because he's usually very prompt about returning my texts, so I went to look for him where he usually goes when he's upset. I found him in the garden curled up under a bench. He was sobbing and his shirt was almost torn off him.”

“Did someone rape him?” he asked in an almost inaudible whisper, his face going pale white at the thought.

“No, but someone tried to. He managed to get away somehow and stayed there till I found him.” His father ran a hand through his hair, letting out a breath he had been holding.

“So, what do we do now? Do I take him out of school? Do we call the police?”

“I don't think taking him out of school would be the best idea. We're almost done with our year and he'd just get more upset if he doesn't get to graduate with everyone else. But it might be wise to get him a home tutor, so he can finish out the year at home. As for the police, that's up to him. He wasn't actually raped, so I don't think they can do much. But I don't think he wants anybody to know. I told him I had to tell you and his mom, but he didn't want me to tell the principal, so he probably doesn't want the police involved. But either way, I told him we'd talk about it later.”

He leaned back in his seat, letting out another deep breath. “Why did all this happen? Why did it have to be my son?”

“I don't know, sir. I can't answer that for you.” He just sat there silently for a couple minutes, looking at his lap or the computer screen in front of him, not saying anything.

“I guess you should go back to him, make sure he's still doing okay. Let me know if either of you need anything. I'll tell my wife everything when she gets home. She'll probably want to talk to you and see Baekhyun.”

“Okay,” I said, getting up from the chair and starting to head back to Baekhyun's room.

“I guess this means you'll be staying here for awhile again, right?”

“Yeah, I don't think he's going to let me out of his sight now.”

“Just please keep him safe. Don't let anything anything else happen to my son, please.”

“I'll do my best.”

 

♥사랑해♥

 

After a week of staying with Baekhyun 24/7, not being able to leave, even for school, we both started seeing a home school teacher, both of us deciding to finish out the year at home, or rather, Baekhyun's home. I told my parents about what happened that night, it being the only time Baekhyun has let me leave the house. It gave me an opportunity to grab some things from my room as well, knowing Baek wouldn't be letting me leave again soon.

Baekhyun had decided he didn't want anyone to know about what happened, deciding to not tell the police and only letting his mom tell the principal because she was withdrawing him from school. When the principal asked who it was, wanting to punish the student accordingly, Baekhyun refused to tell us who it was. He still hasn't told me who it was and I'm happier that he doesn't; I can't control what I would do to the guy if I knew who he was and it wouldn't do Baekhyun any good to have me thrown in jail for assault and not be able to be with him.

As much as I loved him and really wanted to help him through this, I was feeling smothered by him and needed some time apart. I felt like he was taking advantage of my feelings for him as he continued to ask more and more of me, but never gave anything back. He was stuck to my side always, even following me into the shower so he wouldn't be away from me. As nice as I probably would've felt about it before, it was draining now that I had realized how whipped I had become for him. It was starting to creep back in my mind that maybe it was best to leave him, take what little pride I have and find someone who will actually love me, instead of pining after a guy that treats me like a doormat all the time. But then I just felt guilty for even thinking it, reminding myself that Baekhyun needed me now more than ever.

And that was what always got me. I had trained myself to think that he needed me, when in all reality, I was the one that needed him.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

I managed to get an hour or so to myself one day while Baekhyun was taking a nap. He didn't do it very often, but he hadn't slept very well the night before so he feel asleep in the middle of the day. I knew I'd have to wake him up at some point so he wouldn't oversleep and still be able to sleep that night, but for now, I needed to talk to someone that wasn't him, his parents or our home school teacher. So I decided to call Kris.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Kris. How's it been?”

“Boring. It's so close to the end of the year and the teacher's are cracking down with exams coming up. And now you're not even here to complain with me.”

“Sorry man. Baekhyun wouldn't let me leave and I needed to make sure I could finish school too. I'd have stayed if I could.”

“How's he doing?”

“I wish I could say better, but I think he's still coasting. He refuses to talk about what happened so it's like the problem doesn't even exist. He's so clingy and won't let me leave his sight. He even showers with me. I have to stand guard outside the bathroom when he's in there. We eat together, study together, sleep together. I'm close to cracking.”

“Because he's being clingy?”

“No, because I'm so weak and will literally do anything for him and I feel like I'm just his distraction. Like as long as I'm around he can ignore the issue and that's all he needs me for.”

“Yeol, you need to tell him the truth already. He's a big boy. He can handle it.”

“I know, but if I tell him how much I actually like him right now, he's likely to take advantage of it and say he feels the same when we both know he doesn't. He'd say it just so I don't leave him.”

“Do you want to leave him?”

“Sometimes. And then I feel really guilty that I even thought that. I can't leave him. He'd fall apart.”

“I think you're not giving him enough credit. He'd probably be really upset at first, yes, but I think it would make him realize what he's been doing all these years. I think it's for the best, for both of you, if you leave him. At least for a little while.”

“I don't know, man. I'm afraid of what he'll do.”

“He has his parents. They won't let him hurt himself. You need to start looking out for yourself more.”

I sighed in defeat, knowing he was right, but that still didn't make me any more keen on actually doing it. I heard the blankets on Baekhyun's bed rustling and I turned to see him rubbing his eyes, just starting to wake up from his nap.

“I'll think about it. But Baekhyun just woke up, so I should let you go. I'll call you again soon.”

“You better. Don't forget this, Chanyeol. I'll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” I responded, hanging up and setting my phone on Baekhyun's desk. I walked over to his bed, sitting down on the edge next to him. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. I thought you were with me.”

“I was, but I thought I should call Kris. We hadn't talked in awhile and he wanted to know how you were doing.” He just nodded, turning on his side to face me. The way he was silent and playing with his fingers told me something was bothering him. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Stop lying to me, Baek. I know when you're upset about something, so just tell me what it is.”

“Just, you haven't touched me in a long time. You haven't even kissed me. Do you think I'm gross now, because someone else touched me?”

“No, no, Baek. That's not it at all,” I said, lying down so I was facing him, holding his hands in mine. “I haven't done anything mainly because you haven't asked me to. But also because I didn't think you'd want to. I didn't want to upset you.” And also because it's too hard on me, but I couldn't tell him that.

“Will you kiss me, then? Please?”

“Baek, I don't know if that's a good idea.”

“Please? I need it. I need to know I don't disgust you.”

“Trust me, Baek. You don't disgust me,” I said, leaning his chin up so he was looking me in the eyes.

“Then show me,” he said, closing the small distance between our faces and connecting our lips. The kiss was slow and soft and everything I had ever dreamt of. Except the fact that Baekhyun didn't love me like I loved him.

But something changed and Baekhyun deepened the kiss, forcing his tongue in my mouth and moving to lie on top of me, pulling my hands to rest on the small of his back. I pulled away, not wanting to push him.

“Baekhyun, stop.”

“I don't want to.” He resumed the kiss and gave me second thoughts on stopping him again as I found my hands moving up his back then back down, gripping his hips. But once he started grinding his hips against me, I stopped him, pushing him over on his back next to me.

“That's enough, Baekhyun. I'm not doing this with you right now.”

“Why not?”

“You're not ready.”

“Yes, I am. I need you,” he begged, trying to connect our lips again, but I pushed him away, not missing the hurt in his eyes.

“No, you're not. Please stop, Baek. I don't wanna hurt you.”

“You won't hurt me. Just please help me. I need this.” I knew he wasn't thinking right and I knew he wouldn't be able to actually have sex with me. I just didn't want to prove that to him, but now I knew I had no other way to get to him. So I cupped his face with my hand, slowly moving my hand down his neck till I reached his chest, lying my hand flat against him. I didn't miss the way he tensed up at the touch, but he was still trying to prove me wrong. As my hand went slowly further and further down his body, his breathing got heavier and he finally stopped me, pushing my hand away when I reached his crotch, lightly brushing it with my fingertips.

“Stop!” he yelled, rolling over against me till our chests were pushed together and gripping my shirt like he did when I brought him home from school that day. “You were right. I'm not ready,” his voice muffled by my shirt.

“I told you, Baek. I'm sorry I had to do that, but you weren't listening to me.”

“I know. Just, don't leave me. Stay here, please.”

“I'm not going anywhere,” I said, pulling him closer to me with my arms around his waist. I kissed him lightly on top of his head, rubbing his back gently.

I definitely couldn't leave him now.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

It had been a week since the incident in Baekhyun's room and we hadn't talked about it at all. He knew he wasn't ready for anything and I knew it, too, so we both just didn't see a need to talk about it. I was actually glad he wasn't ready to do anything with me; I was happy he wouldn't be asking me to touch him or have sex with him anytime soon so I could continue to ignore my feelings for him.

I had also been conveniently forgetting about my conversation with Kris. While I knew he was right, a large part of me didn't want him to be because I didn't want to leave Baekhyun. I was the one putting myself in this situation, as self-harming as it was, and I was the one who continued to stay even though it hurt me.

There was still a part of me that tried to force myself to leave, to move on with my life and quit following after the guy that caused me so much pain. But I always pushed it away when I thought of how much pain he must be going through. I always tried to rationalize it by thinking I would be a bad person if I left, that I just cared about him, regardless of that being my downfall.

Along with all the time we spent together, just the two of us, we had regularly scheduled home school classes together. While Baekhyun paid attention relatively well when the teacher was there, it was the exact opposite the second she left. He would cling to me like koala, keeping me from getting anything accomplished and it was a chore to get him to do his own work so I could do mine.

But today was hopeless. He kept trying to push his way onto my lap and I couldn't concentrate, having to continually push him back into his seat, telling him he needed to do his work and let me do mine. But he was persistent; whenever Baekhyun wanted something, he made sure he got it. And while it usually worked on me, today I was just getting angry and frustrated.

“Stop Baekhyun. Let me do my work. Please, do yours. You're gonna fail and then what?”

“I don't care. I need you right now.” He kept pouting, jutting his bottom lip out knowing that's what usually made me cave, but today it just pissed me off.

“Well, I do care if I fail or not and you're distracting me from getting my work done.”

“You can do it later.”

“You know what, Baek?! I've had it!” I yelled, slamming my hand down on the table we were sitting at and springing up to tower over him. Baekhyun flinched at the volume of my voice; I had never yelled at him before. “It's always about you! You need me, you don't want to be alone, you're scared. I'm sick of it! What about me?! I've been killing myself trying to make you happy again and you don't care! You don't care at all! You don't care about all the sleep I've lost staying up with you, trying to make you stop crying! You don't care about all the time I've had to spend away from my family because you can't bare to be alone! You don't care that I've got almost no one in my life anymore because I have to spend all my time with you! And you don't care that you keep pushing yourself on me and it hurts me every single time because I'm in love with you!” There was unanimous sharp intake of breath at my last statement. I hadn't meant to tell him that but in the heat of the moment, I didn't think.

“You're in love with me?”

“Yeah Baek, I am. I have been for a long time. Since before you started dating that asshole that put us in the situation we're in today. But I never told you because I actually care about you! I didn't want to pressure you and I didn't want you to feel obligated to date me because of everything I've done for you. I care about you so much and it kills me that you don't seem to give a damn about me at all! You only think of yourself!”

“I'm sorry, Chanyeol. I know I've been selfish and I tried to change, but it was so hard. Every time I thought it was getting better, something would happen and I couldn't stand thinking of being without you. I constantly needed your attention because I knew you cared about me when it seemed like no one else did.”

“I'm sorry about everything you've been through Baek, I really am, but it doesn't give you the right to treat me the way you have. I've tried to tell myself over and over to leave you, just let us both move on with our lives cause we'd both be better off without each other, but I just couldn't because I love you so much. But you keep pushing me and pushing me and I'm at my breaking point!”

“No! No, please don't leave!” Baekhyun shouted, getting up from his chair to stand in front of me, hugging me tightly. “Please don't leave me, Chanyeol! I swear, I'll change. Just don't leave me,” he was sobbing in my shirt, soaking it with his tears. It hurt me to tear his arms off me and push him away, but I knew this was what I needed to do.

“I'm sorry, Baekhyun, but you can't change my mind this time. I can't continue to stay here with you and hurt myself any longer. I need some time on my own. Maybe one day we can be friends again, but right now, I can't do it anymore.” I grabbed my books off the table, shoving them in my backpack, along with my laptop and charger. I grabbed my phone and guitar from beside his bed and walked to his door, all while trying to block out the desperate wailing I heard behind me and his pleas for me to stay.

“Goodbye, Baekhyun.”

And with that, I left his life, ripping my own heart to pieces.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

It had been five days since I left and I hadn't heard a word from Baekhyun since. I called his father to explain what happened that day, and he understood and didn't try to get me to come back, even though he said Baekhyun refused to leave his room and wouldn't let anyone come in either. He had apparently shut himself out to the whole world and while I felt guilty, again, I stopped myself from going back and apologizing. I couldn't let myself fall into that trap again.

The home school teacher now made trips to my house as well, as it was too late in the year to transfer back into my old high school. Kris came over a couple of times and brought his friend Tao, but every time I saw them together it just made me think of Baekhyun again and I hadn't asked him to come over again. I didn't want another reminder of what I was trying to leave behind.

Since I had all this time to myself now, I was completely caught up in all my school work and spent time just watching movies or leisurely playing my guitar. I had actually learned a new song and was pretty excited about it.

As I was sitting in my bedroom, fooling around with writing a song on said guitar, my phone rang and I grabbed it from my bedside table, not bothering to look who it was before I answered it.

“Hello?”

“Chanyeol? It's Baekhyun's father. We need you here, now.” The urgent tone of his voice had me setting the guitar down in concern.

“What's wrong? Is Baekhyun alright?”

“No. He's locked himself in his bathroom. We think he's cut himself again.”

“Again?!” I had never known Baekhyun to self-harm before, so this was news to me.

“He did the first night he was alone and again the next day, but he said he wouldn't do it again. But he's been so depressed since you left. We can't get him out and you're the only person that can. Please. Please help my son.”

“I'm coming.” I didn't bother to hear his reply, hanging up on him and running out of my room, stopping only to put on my shoes and get my keys from the front door.

It was miracle I didn't get in wreck on the way there. We only lived about five minutes away from each other, but I was driving like a maniac and I seriously could've hurt myself or someone else. I was hoping I would be as lucky once I got to Baekhyun's house.

I ran in without knocking; the place was once my second home and manners were the last thing on my mind. I found Baekhyun's parents outside his bathroom door, pounding on it and yelling for him to let them in. They both stopped the second they heard me running up behind them.

“Thank god, Chanyeol. Please get him out of there.” I didn't waste any time, almost pushing his father out of the way so I could get to the door before I started pounding on it, too.

“Baekhyun! Open this door! It's Chanyeol!” He didn't answer at first and I was beginning to wonder if he had passed out in there, but then the door was flung open, revealing a ghostly white Baekhyun wearing only a really long tee-shirt, one I recognized as one I had left there, and blood trickling down his arms from the cut marks on his wrist.

“Oh my god, Baekhyun!” I rushed in the room, grabbing him before he collapsed to the floor, holding him tight and rocking him back and forth like I always used to.

“You're here,” he whispered.

“Yeah, I'm here. It's okay now.”

“I thought you weren't coming back. I thought you didn't love me any more.”

“Of course I still love you. That doesn't change that quick. I'm just happy you're still alive.”

“Baekhyun, honey, we need to clean you up. We need to bandage you up,” his mom said, moving slowly into the bathroom towards us.

He didn't complain about being pulled from my grasp, as much as I didn't want to let him go. He didn't complain about his wrist being cleaned up and then bandaged tightly. He didn't complain the whole time. He just sank back into my arms the second he could, leaning on me so hard I almost fell over.

I picked him up and carried him to his bed. His parents left as soon as they were sure he'd be okay, his father patting me on the back as he left the room and closing the door behind him. I noticed he had bled on the shirt, so I needed to get him out of it. It was no good now.

“Baek, I need to change your shirt, okay? There's blood on this one, so I need you to let go for a minute so I can get you a new one.” He listened without complaint, letting go of me almost immediately. I got a new shirt from his dresser, one that once also belonged to me, before I pulled the one he was wearing off him and throwing it in the trash. I slipped the clean one on him and crawled into his bed next to him, pulling him close and holding him tight.

“Don't ever scare me like that again, Baek,” I whispered to him, kissing his forehead over and over again.

“I'm sorry, Chanyeol. I promise, I'll change. Just don't leave me again.”

“Don't worry about that. Right now, I'm not going anywhere. Just get some sleep and we'll talk when you wake up. Alright?” I kissed his head again, this time leaving my lips against him. He just buried his face in my shoulder and slowly fell asleep.

For now, I wasn't going anywhere.


	2. Two

A year. That's how long it had been since Baekhyun started dating that douchebag. A whole year of torture for me, being the only person Baekhyun had trusted to tell about his secret romance. I wouldn't have even cared if it wasn't for the fact that I was in love with him. Ji Joon was a nice enough guy and I never had a reason to not like him, but that was before he asked Baekhyun out. In that moment, he became the person I hated the most. The person I distrusted the most. He would never be good enough for Baekhyun because no one would ever be good enough for Baekhyun.

I had begun to dread going to school. All the little looks that passed between Baekhyun and Ji Joon. The secret moments in the library or hall when no one else was around that Baekhyun just had to tell me all about. As his best friend, I wanted to be happy for him. I wanted to be able to listen to everything he told me about his relationship without getting jealous and pissed off. But somewhere along the way that relationship had turned a little more friendly on my end and I couldn't seem to be just his friend anymore.

I woke up to confront another morning of begrudgingly getting ready for school and facing the one thing I really didn't want anything to do with. Another morning of lazily taking a shower and getting dressed, dragging myself down the stairs to the kitchen to eat a boring breakfast and struggling to will time to slow. Just as I had resigned myself to the fact that I had to leave at that moment or I would be late to school, my phone rang from within my pocket. A quiet sigh left my lips as I saw the caller id saying it was Baekhyun and forced myself to answer it and listen to his once again cheerful voice.

“What's up, Baek? I'll be at school in a minute.” I could tell before my whole name had floated from the speaker that he was crying.

“Ch-chanyeol?” My grip tightened on my phone, hearing his voice waver and break from the other end.

“What happened, Baek? Where are you?”

“I'm a-at school. In th-the garden.”

“Hold on. I'll be there in a minute, Baek.” I broke into a run, forcing myself as fast as I could to get to him. I didn't know what caused this, but it didn't matter; if he needed me, I wasn't going to leave him all alone.

“H-he broke up with m-me.” I heard Baekhyun's quiet sob just as I burst through the front doors of the school, pushing past people and ignoring the yells in protest as I made my way to the back hallway that would lead me to the seldom-used garden that had become Baekhyun and I's spot to hang out when we didn't want to deal with other people.

“I'm almost there, Baek.” I pushed past a few more people, seeing the door that would lead me to where Baekhyun was. I forced it open to see Baekhyun curled up in a corner, his head in his knees and his phone pressed up to his ear, rocking himself back and forth as sobs racked his shoulders. “Baekhyun?” I whispered gently, crouching down beside him. His head immediately jerked up at the sound of my voice, throwing himself on me, causing me to lose my balance and fall backwards still holding onto him. I maneuvered myself to sit up, keeping a firm grasp on him and pulling him in my lap. He buried his face in my neck and gripped onto the front of my shirt, keeping me close as I rubbed his back soothingly.

“Ssh, it's okay. It'll all be okay now. I'm here.” I continued to whisper soothing words to him, rocking him back and forth like a child. It took some time for his cries to calm down before a fresh new wave of tears and cries poured from him. We'd been sitting in the garden for an hour and our first class of the day was nearly over. I knew he'd never be able to make it through the school day, so I decided it was best to take him home. I didn't have a car and neither did he, both being only sophomores, so I had to carry him on my back.

The walk was quiet, save for some sniffles here and there. He was finally starting to tire himself out. He was falling asleep by the time I had carried him to his room, setting him in his bed and pulling the covers over him.

“Stay with me, Chanyeol. Please?” I heard softly as I was beginning to make my way to the door. I wasn't going to go back to school, but I didn't think it was a smart idea to stay in his room with him. Apparently Baekhyun thought otherwise.

“I'm not leaving. I was just going to lie down in the living room.”

“Why? Just lay here with me. Like you always do.” It was true that we had slept in the same bed together many times, having had many sleepovers together since we were young. But I hadn't dared do it since I realized my feelings for him. It just wouldn't be the same now.

I hesitated for a moment, still reaching for the doorknob, when I gave up and closed the door before crawling under the covers with him, trying to keep an appropriate amount of space between the two of us. But Baekhyun wasn't having that. As soon as he thought I was comfortable, he snuggled up to me, pulling himself close and curling into the shape of my body. I continued to hesitate before I just gave up all rational thought and pulled him close, keeping my arms around him safely.

“Promise you'll be here when I wake up?”

“I promise.”

 

♥사랑해♥

 

Somewhere between making sure Baekhyun fell into a comfortable sleep and hearing his soft whimpers a few hours later, I had fallen asleep. The quiet, pitiful sounds he was making had rose me from my sleep and I found myself pulling away from him a little to check that he was still okay. His eyes were closed and his eyebrows furrowed. He had balled himself up into a fetal position and was shaking, the little whines still falling from his lips.

I tried to get him to calm down and loosen up, rubbing his back and up and down his arms and whispering consoling things to him, but he still continued to dream about whatever it was that was plaguing him. I lightly shook him awake, watching the way his eyes jerked open to land on mine, and how he closed the small bit of space between us to bury his face in my chest. I didn't fight it or hesitate this time, allowing myself to envelop his small body in my warmth and keep him close.

“Did you have a nightmare, Baek?”  
“Yeah.” His answer was barely above a whisper and muffled by my shirt, but I still managed to hear him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Do you want to talk about Ji Joon?”

“No.”

“You'll have to talk about it sooner or later. Might as well it get it over with now.” His arms wrapped around my torso, holding me tightly and restrictingly, like he was afraid I'd leave. “Come on, Baek. You'll feel better if you talk about it. Nothing can hurt you if I'm here.”

“If I tell you about the nightmare can we talk about Ji Joon later?”

“Okay. But don't think you're getting out of it. What happened in your nightmare?” I asked, pulling his face up by his chin so I could see him.

“There wasn't much to it. It was dark and I was scared. I was alone and I kept calling to everyone, but no one came. Not Ji Joon, not my parents or Kris. Not even you. I was just alone.”

“You know that'll never happen, right? No matter what I'm doing or where I am, if you call me I'll be there in an instant.”

“I know. You're too good for me, Chanyeol. I don't deserve you.”

“That's not true, Baek. I'm the one that doesn't deserve you. You're smart and funny and beautiful. You have the most amazing voice I've ever heard. Anybody would be lucky to have you, Baek.”

“Then why did he leave me?”

“Because he's an idiot. If he can't see what he had, then that's his problem. You're perfect, Baek. You'll find the right person for you someday, I promise. Someone who will see all the amazing things about you.”

“Like what?”

“Like the way you get overly excited and dance around your room. Or when your voice cracks while you're singing and you sneak peeks at everyone around you to see if anyone noticed. Or how you walk around in your small briefs and your favorite hoodie all weekend if you don't have plans. Or the way you blush just by thinking about someone you like. Everything about you is incredible, Baekhyun, from your two left feet, to your bony hips, to these small, soft lips.” I slowly trailed my hands from his thighs to his hips, gently moving up his arms to his shoulder and his neck, cupping his cheek tenderly and sliding my thumb across his lips. I had somehow lost my inhibitions while trying to convince him that Ji Joon had made a mistake in breaking up with him. I didn't even realize how I was voicing every little thing I loved about him and touching him in ways I had only ever dreamed about.

“Will you kiss me, Chanyeol?”  
“Is that what you really want?”

“Yes,” he whispered breathily, nodding his head slowly. I knew I'd probably end up regretting it, but he asked and I just couldn't deny him something that would help him feel better about himself.

I closed the small space between us, connecting our lips gently, my eyes closing subconsciously. I cupped both his cheeks, moving my lips slowly against his, waiting for him to respond. Within a couple seconds his lips were moving with mine, tenderly and comfortably, like it was something we were both used to even though we had never kissed before. It met every single expectation I had and beyond. The way his hands moved to the back of my neck and held me closely. The way we both barely pulled away for breath before moving back in again. The way I lightly pulled his bottom lip between my teeth when I pulled away before leaning our foreheads together.

My heart felt like it was exploding the way it was beating so rapidly. It was the most perfect first kiss I had ever had and it was made all the better by the fact that it was with Baekhyun. But the moment was broken when I finally opened my eyes to see tears falling down Baekhyun's cheeks.

“What's wrong, Baek? I'm sorry. I should've known better. You weren't ready.”

“No. No, it's not that. It's just, no one's ever kissed me like that. I didn't know I could feel so cared for with just a kiss. I guess it just overwhelmed me.” I wiped the tears from his face, pulling his face to rest against my chest again.

“I care about you, Baekhyun. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here as long as you need me.”

“You might be here awhile.”

“I'm okay with that.”

 

♥사랑해♥

 

It wasn't even an hour later and Baekhyun had fallen back asleep. I didn't really blame him; after the morning he'd had, I'd probably be exhausted, too.

I was just lying beside him, keeping him held close to me in hopes that he wouldn't have another nightmare. A soft buzzing sound broke through the silence in the room and I recognized it as my phone vibrating from my back pocket. I pulled it out to see it was Kris who was calling me. It was lunchtime, so he was probably calling to ask where I was.

“Hey, Kris,” I answered quietly, trying to not disturb Baekhyun's sleep.

“Where the hell are you?”

“At Baekhyun's house. Ji Joon broke up with him this morning and he was having a really hard time. I couldn't leave him alone.”

“Well, that explains a lot.”

“What do you mean?”

“It explains how everybody in school knows that Baekhyun's gay and why there are a lot of nasty rumors going around about him.”

“What?! He outed him?! That asshole! He better hope I don't see him tomorrow.”

“That should be the least of your worries right now. These rumors are really bad, Yeol. I don't know if he can handle it.”

“What are they? What are people saying?”

“They range from things like him being a cockslut bottom to things like him hanging out at the gay clubs every weekend and giving every guy who walks in a blowjob. Each one is worse than the last. I don't know what Ji Joon started, other than outing him, but they've blown out of proportion. I don't think he should come back tomorrow. He needs a day to himself before he faces this.”

“I'm sure it won't be hard to convince him to stay here again. But thanks for warning me.”

“It's no problem. Baekhyun's my friend, too. I don't feel about him the way you do, but I still don't like people spreading rumors about him.”

“Thanks, Kris. I'll see you on Wednesday.”

“See ya.” I hung up the phone and dropped it on the nightstand next to me, dragging my fingers through my hair with a sigh. It was bad enough that that asshole broke his heart, but now he's outed him and spread absurd lies about him through the school. If I ever got my hands on him I'd beat him to within an inch of his life. I can't stand people that destroy other people's lives like that. I was pulled out of my thoughts of torturing Ji Joon by a soft voice in my ear next to me.

“Who were you talking to?”

“You heard that?”

“Just the end of it. Was it Kris?”

“Yeah. I need to ask you, do you know why Ji Joon broke up with you?” His face distorted in pain and I knew he didn't want to approach this subject yet, but I needed to know.

“He just said he didn't love me anymore.”

“Did you guys ever have sex?” I really didn't want to ask that question, and I wanted even less to know the answer, but knowing might help explain the whole situation.

“Once. A couple weeks ago. I told him I didn't want to anymore for awhile. I wasn't completely ready yet.”

“Did he rape you?”

“No! No, he didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't really know what I was getting myself into until it was over. I realized I wasn't ready.”

“I'm sorry, Baekhyun. I'm sorry you have to go through this.” I pulled him flush against me, closing all distance between the two of us to try my best to comfort him.

“It's not your fault. You shouldn't be sorry about something you had no control over. Why did you want to know about the two of us?”

“Because of what Kris told me,” I sighed. I didn't want to talk about this but he needed to know before we went back to school. “Ji Joon told everyone at school that you're gay. Everyone knows and they've been saying a lot of mean things about you.”

“He told everyone? Just because I didn't want to sleep with him again?” There were tears forming in his eyes, slowly spilling onto my shirt.

“I don't know if that's why, but that's what I think. I don't want you to go to school tomorrow. We're gonna stay here. Together. We can go back on Wednesday and hopefully things will have calmed down a little by then.” He didn't reply to me. He just kept his head in my shirt, quietly crying again. “Are you okay, Baek?” It was a stupid question I already knew the answer to, but I still felt the need to ask.

He shook his head, refusing to look up at me. I had to pull his chin up again to see him, wiping his tears once again.

“Will you kiss me again? Like you did before?”

“I don't know, Baek. I don't think that's the best idea.”

“Please? It makes me feel better.”

“Okay. But I don't think we should make this a habit.” I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer by the back of his head till our lips joined again. We moved flawlessly together, lips molded into one and bodies pressed tightly together. I pulled away before I could push it further, knowing that wasn't the right thing to do and wasn't what Baekhyun needed right now. He needed to feel safe and cared for. And that's what I was planning on doing for him.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

Tuesday flew by in a blur of tangled limbs and soft kisses. Even though I didn't want the kisses to become a crutch for him, it seemed like they had become exactly that. Whenever he felt like he was going to cry again or just felt particularly upset, he asked for another kiss. Under other circumstances, I would've been more than happy to give them to him. But he was vulnerable and I was weak. I couldn't stop myself from giving him everything he said he needed without fail or question.

We spent the whole day in his bed, only getting up to eat and use the bathroom. I called my mother in the morning while Baekhyun was still asleep to explain to her what was going on. She was upset at first, wondering why I had never come home the night before, but once I explained the situation, she was okay with it. She knew how important Baekhyun was to me, even if she didn't know the extent of it, and told me to stay there as long as I needed to. I was very lucky to have such an understanding mother.

We woke up Wednesday morning to the sound of Baekhyun's alarm. I quickly turned it off, the annoying sound being too piercing that early in the morning. It didn't seem like it had fazed Baekhyun at all though, as he was still curled comfortably into my side, his hand on my chest and his face in my neck. No wonder he was late to school a lot.

I gently shook him awake, watching how his eyes fluttered open and he stifled a yawn with his little fist. Baekhyun was the most beautiful when he first woke up in the morning.

“Good morning, Baek.”

“Morning. What time is it?”

“Six o'clock.”

“Ugh. Why'd you wake me up? It's too early to be awake.”

“We have to go back to school today, Baek.” I saw the cute morning face disappear into a look of fear and trepidation and immediately felt bad. But we had to go back no matter how much both of us wanted to just stay here, in the safety of his bed and each other's arms.

“Do we really have to?”

“Yes, we do. I know you're scared and I don't blame you. But I'll be with you every single moment I can. I'll walk you to each of your classes, even if it means being late to mine. We can eat lunch in the garden if you want, so no one will bother us. I'll even ask Mr. Choi if we can sit out gym class together. Does that sound okay?”

“It sounds doable. As long as I'm with you.”

“Good. Now let's get up. You need a shower and so do I.”

“Will you take one with me?” I flinched at the request. It was one thing for me to give him all the kisses he asked for, but it was something completely different for us to both be in the shower together, both naked. I had only ever guessed what he looked like naked before, having only seen him without a shirt, but actually seeing it in person, and right now? It was daunting to say the least.

“A-are you sure about that, Baekhyun? I mean, is that really the best idea?”

“I just want as much time with you today that I can get. And if that means taking a shower together, then that's what I want. Do you not want to?”

“No!” I yelled a little too hastily. “No. It's not that. It's just, I don't want you to get too dependent on me. I won't always be able to be there for you.”

“I know. But it doesn't hurt to get as much time together now as we can, does it?” I was out of excuses and things I could say to get him to change his mind. I sighed, knowing I had been defeated.

“Okay. Go ahead in there and get the shower started. I'll get our clothes ready.” His responding smile was blinding and one I hadn't seen in awhile. I knew I made him really happy, but at what price to myself?

I watched him happily skip off to his attached bathroom, hearing the sound of the water running in the tub before it changed into a softer sound of the showerhead being turned on. I wanted to hide away and not face the situation, but I couldn't leave him alone. I reluctantly got out of bed, heading to Baekhyun's closet to grab a pair of skinny jeans and a tee-shirt for him and getting some clothes for myself that my mother had brought over the day before. I carried them to the bathroom to see Baekhyun's pajamas on the floor and his silhouette behind the door, his head tipped back to let the water flow down his hair and body. I gulped, knowing what was behind that frosted door.

“Get in here, Chanyeol. We're wasting water.” I uncertainly placed our clothes on the counter next to the sink, beginning to slowly pull my clothes off till I was left in just my boxers. I considered keeping them on, but I knew Baekhyun would question it and I really didn't want to explain. So I pulled them off as well, leaving them in the pile of discarded clothes on the floor before making my way to the shower and getting in behind him, trying my best to not look below his waist.

“What took you so long, Yeol?”

“Nothing. Just tired, is all.”

“Maybe you shouldn't have woke us up so early,” he joked, chuckling a little. We switched positions so I was under the showerhead and he could reach the shampoo. I had just wet down my hair thoroughly when he called my name in that soft, pitiful voice he used when he was about to ask for a kiss. “Chanyeol?”

I looked down at him, seeing him folded against himself and leaning against the back wall of the shower. His insecurity and despair always seemed to come at the most random of times.

“Will you kiss me?” This was definitely not the time, with us both being naked and all, but I couldn't help but to give in to him once again. I pulled him close to me, feeling every curve of his body against mine as I pressed our lips together tenderly. He had become used to this by now and immediately started moving his lips against mine, mine moving only a second later. My arms wrapped around his waist, my hands resting on the small of his back, palms laid flat against his smooth, delicate skin. His arms encircled my neck, his small fingers running through the hair at the base of my neck.

The kiss was as slow and compassionate as it always was, until I felt Baekhyun begin to thrust his hips up against me. It rapidly started a fire within me, one that I was hopeless to put out. I pushed him against the wall, his back flat against the cold surface. My hands moved to grip his hips tightly and I swiped my tongue against his bottom lip, asking for the permission I desperately needed. He granted it, albeit hesitantly, and I found myself familiarizing myself with every inch of his mouth, gliding my tongue against the inside of his cheeks and coming to rest against his own tongue, massaging it frenziedly.

Baekhyun's whimpers started again and his thrusts against me increased in speed and power, seeking desperately for pleasurable friction against my thigh. I knew I was hard as a rock now as well, my own erection pressed against his stomach.

“Chanyeol,” he whined, breaking the kiss, his chest heaving with heavy breaths.

“What is it, Baekhyun? What do you need?” I asked him, my lips against the skin of his neck, pressing delicate kisses against the expanse of supple skin.

“More.” His response was breathy, almost incoherent. He pulled one of my hands from his hips, leading it to his red, throbbing erection. I gripped him securely, giving him an experimental tug only to cause a gratified moan to spill from his lips.

“Is this what you want?” I asked, stroking him purposefully. He nodded in response, head leaned back against the wall and palms splayed flat on either side of him. I stroked him a few more times, watching the bliss that showed in his face, before I gripped myself as well, holding our erections together in one hand. The feeling of euphoria that washed over me at having Baekhyun brush against myself was unlike anything I had felt before.

Baekhyun bucked up into my hand, rutting himself against me, more moans escaping him in reaction. Each stroke of my hand was heavenly and something I wouldn't mind experiencing everyday for the rest of my life.

The pressure building in the pit of my stomach was bittersweet, since I knew it would soon be over, but the high that would follow would far outweigh that.

“I-I'm close, Yeol. Oh god,” Baekhyun panted out, his hands now on my shoulders for support. I was steadily moving towards my end as well, compelling me to speed up.

Within a couple minutes Baekhyun had spilled out over my hand, covering me in his cum. He slouched against me as I stroked him to completion and me to my moment of bliss.

His breathing smoothed out, his head leaning against my chest with his hands still on my shoulders. Coming down from my high, I was beginning to realize what had just happened and I started to panic. I pulled away from him, rinsing my hand off under the water and not seeing the look of hurt that crossed Baekhyun's face.

“Are you okay, Yeol?”

“I'm fine.”

“Do you regret it?” he muttered behind me. I could hear the pain in his voice and all feelings of annoyance at myself for letting that happen washed away as I turned to him, sweeping him up in my arms to hold him securely.

“No. I don't regret it one bit. I just question if it was the right thing to do.”

“Why?”

“You just lost your boyfriend. You feel upset and vulnerable and I don't think that was the right way to handle those feelings.”

“But I liked it. I love the way you make me feel cared for and make me feel like I'm special. How could that be wrong when I feel so happy?”

“I just think I need to judge things in my head before I act upon them. I get too unfocused when I'm around you and I lose all sense of judgement.”

“Does that mean you won't do it again? Ever?”

“I don't know. We'll just have to see when the time comes.” Baekhyun turned his head to rest his cheek against me, wrapping his arms around my waist and sighing in contentment. “But right now, we both need a shower even more than we did before.” He pulled away from me with a laugh, reaching for the shampoo to wash his hair.

“Alright boss. Whatever you say.”

 

♥사랑해♥

 

The rest of the shower was rather uneventful compared to the beginning. I had to control myself and resist the urge to sneak peeks of him every time his eyes were closed or his back was turned.

He was in pretty good spirits as we got dressed, ate breakfast and as he snuck one last kiss before we left the house. But once we were outside and walking to school, he suddenly became quiet, a look of worry and fear taking over his features.

“Hey, don't worry. Okay?” I said to him, grabbing his hand to hold tightly. “We have first period together, remember? I'll be with you the whole way. If you feel like you can't make it through a class without me, just text me. I'll talk you through it.” He just nodded, refusing to speak.

When we finally made it to the school about fifteen minutes later, Baekhyun froze on the sidewalk next to the student parking lot. I followed his gaze to see Ji Joon hanging out with his friends, laughing with no cares in the world. I tightened my grip on his hand and he focused on me again.

“Just ignore him. If he tries to talk to you, walk away. He's not worth it, okay?”

“Okay,” he whispered, watching Ji Joon still from the corner of his eye. I started walking towards the school again, still keeping a firm grip on his hand. The closer we got to where Ji Joon was standing, the closer Baekhyun pushed himself into my side. Ji Joon looked up just as we passed him, but didn't say anything. I felt Baekhyun relax once we were past him, but he still stayed close to my side.

We made our way to my locker so I could get my books, then went to his locker afterwards, getting through both without any problems. But once we were on our way to our classroom, that's when people started noticing that Baekhyun was there.

“Hey fag, how many dicks did you take last night?”

“Been skipping school to get more time at the gay club?”

“Why don't you give me your number, Baek honey? I'll let you ride this dick all night long.”

I didn't stop to think before turning around swiftly to find the source of the last comment, shoving him against the lockers behind him with a resounding bang.

“Don't you even think about touching him, you hear me?!” I growled through clenched teeth, my fists clamped around the front of his shirt.

“What are you, his bodyguard? Or his boyfriend?” I slammed him against the lockers again, pushing him up so his feet almost left the floor.

“Stop, Chanyeol. Please.” I barely made out the quiet begging beside me, having been so focused on the asshole in front of me and all the violent things I wanted to do to him. I turned to see Baekhyun beside me, tears welling up in his eyes, silently pleading with me. I let go of the guy's shirt, barely noticing how he fell to his knees as I grabbed Baekhyun's hand again and pulled him to our classroom. Since class wouldn't start for another ten minutes, we were the only ones in there.

I sat at our table and pulled him into my lap, wrapping my arms around his small figure and rocked him back and forth.

“I'm sorry, Baekhyun. I just lost my temper. I know you don't like fighting. Are you okay?”

“No,” he cried, his face buried in my shirt, tears soaking it through. I kept rubbing his back, keeping a gentle rhythm as I cradled him in my arms. I hadn't realized just how bad it would be for him before, and now I felt bad for making him come back so soon.

“It'll be okay. I'm with you for a whole hour. And next period I'm only a couple classrooms down. I'll stay with you until the bell rings. Just text me if you need me. I'll come get you if I need to.”

Today was going to be hell.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

The day went by slowly for the both of us, him wanting to be beside me at all times and me wanting to make sure he was alright every moment. I got him out of second period ten minutes into it since people kept passing him nasty notes. He made it through third period okay, but still texting me throughout it. We had fourth period, lunch, and fifth period together. Sixth period was his study hall and he spent the whole time in the garden. Our last period was gym and I managed to convince Mr. Choi to let us sit out. He said we could sit out the rest of the week and through next week if we completed the work he gave us to compensate for our participation grade. I explained to all my teachers what was happening and they took mercy on us, letting me be late if it was a class I didn't have Baekhyun and not reprimanding us if Baekhyun had a hard time paying attention. We had friends in all our classes that were willing to lend us their notes so we wouldn't fall behind.

By the time the final bell of the day rang, I practically ran us both home. We both cuddled up together in his bed, more tears trailing down his cheeks. I felt so terrible about everything that had happened that day and Baekhyun was utterly exhausted. I could only hope that it would eventually get better.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

The rest of the week progressively became worse once everyone realized that Baekhyun was back in school. He only attended classes he had with me, choosing to just get notes from friends since he said he couldn't concentrate in class without me.

I had finally explained everything to his parents Wednesday night. They knew he was gay and that he was dating Ji Joon and they honestly had no problems with it. Baekhyun's parents were proud of him no matter what he did. They both sympathized with the situation and didn't keep me from staying overnight with him; not that they would've anyway because they had always liked me. I had chose to leave out the kisses and the shower, deciding they really didn't need to know that and I didn't want them to think I was taking advantage of their son. In all reality, I was beginning to think maybe Baekhyun was taking advantage of me, but then I would feel guilty and push the thought away.

Saturday came eventually and Baekhyun was thrilled about the prospect of sleeping in. He hated that I woke him up so much earlier than he was used to for school. I like to be prompt and Baekhyun didn't give two shits either way.

When I asked him what he wanted to do that day in the morning, or around noon, he said he just wanted to cuddle in bed all day, watch movies and eat junk food. I was more than okay with that since the week had been just as exhausting for me.

It was around seven o'clock that night when his parents came in his room, telling us that they were leaving for some business event and more than likely wouldn't be home till after midnight.

“Will you guys be okay here alone?” Baekhyun's father asked, lingering in the doorway longer than he usually would've.

“We'll be fine, right Chanyeol?”

“I'll make sure your son behaves, Mr. Byun,” I added, receiving a playful slap on the arm from Baekhyun, bringing out one of the few smiles I'd seen from him lately. His father noticed this as well, smiling from ear to ear at the sight.

“Thanks, Chanyeol. I know you've got your hands full with that troublemaker, so I'll leave some money on the counter downstairs so you can order in dinner.”

“Thanks Mr. Byun.”

“I'm not a troublemaker, dad!” His dad just smirked, saying a quick goodbye before heading downstairs and leaving the house, his wife in tow. “I am not a troublemaker,” Baekhyun mumbled under his breath, arms crossed over his chest in frustration.

“Sure you're not,” I joked, ruffling his hair. “Remember when you prank called Kris' parents but you forgot to block the number so they called back? You were grounded for a week.”

“I was twelve! And it could've been worse. I could've prank called the police or something.”

“So you're a cautious troublemaker, but a troublemaker nonetheless.” He just huffed and scooted away from me, keeping his arms tightly crossed. “Oh come on, Baekhyun. I'm just joking.” He didn't respond, now choosing to look away from me. “If you don't get happy again I'll be forced to tickle you.” That got his attention, his face turning towards me quickly, his eyes wide in fear.

“Don't do it, Chanyeol.”

“Too late, Baek. You've forced my hand.” I jumped on his lap, earning a squeak in response. “Come on, Baek. Smile for me.” I attacked his sides and stomach with tickles, getting laughs and shrieks from him.

“S-stop! Y-yeol!!” I took mercy on him, sliding back to my spot on the bed and pulling him against me, his hand landing on my chest and his head on my shoulder.

“I really love it when you smile, Baekhyun.” I pulled his chin up to look in his eyes, seeing the happiness in them that I had only seen this week while we were alone. “We'll get past this. I promise.”

“I really hope so,” he replied, nuzzling his face in my neck.

“Are you hungry?” He nodded, choosing not to speak. “How about pizza? I'll even get that gross pineapple on it. Just for you.”

“Hey! It's not gross!”

“Baek, no one in their right mind gets pineapple on a pizza.”

“Well then, I guess I'm crazy.”

“At least you're right about that,” I responded, getting out of bed to grab the money from downstairs. A high-pitched “Your an ass, Chanyeol!” following me as I chuckled at him.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

“See? That wasn't that bad, was it?”

“Okay, I'll admit, pineapple on pizza isn't terrible. But I'm never going to like it enough to order it for myself.” Baekhyun smiled smugly, happy with himself for making me admit that. “Don't get too pleased with yourself. I did something you wanted, now you have to do something I want.”

“What do you want?” he asked, all the smugness disappeared from his face.

“I want to watch The Godfather.”

“Why? You know I hate that movie!”

“But I love it. I ate pineapple on my pizza for you, now you have to watch this for me.”

“Fine. But I'm not gonna like it.”

“The fact that you'll watch it is good enough for me.” I grabbed the DVD from my backpack, putting it in the player before grabbing the remote and getting back in bed next to Baekhyun.

“Do I actually have to pay attention?”  
“It would be nice if you at least try.” He sighed in defeat, lying his head on my chest and draping his arm over my waist. I started the movie, watching it intently. It was my favorite movie, after all.

We were about forty five minutes into it and I hadn't noticed all of Baekhyun's fidgeting since I was so absorbed in the movie. What finally did break my concentration was the feeling of a small hand trailing down my stomach, beginning to palm me through my sweatpants.

“W-what are you doing?” It caught me off guard and I didn't really know what to do. We hadn't done anything remotely sexual since the shower that morning and I had been hoping to keep it that way, since it left me feeling used and guilty.

“I'm bored.”

“And this is what you do to entertain yourself?”

“I thought it would get your attention.” It definitely did.

“Baekhyun, we shouldn't be doing this.”

“Why not?” His hand had continued it's work on me until I pulled it away, leaving me half erect.

“Because you're upset. I'm not taking advantage of you. With the way you've been feeling, it's not right.”

“But I want this, Chanyeol. I want to feel loved. I want to feel special. I want to feel cared for, and you're the only person that does that.”

“I thought you weren't ready. You said you didn't want to have sex anymore for awhile.”

“That was until you started taking care of me.” Honestly, I really wanted to. I wanted to make love to him so bad, but I knew he would never feel the same way about it that I would. Part of me was saying not to, that it would just make me feel guilty and heartbroken in the end. The other part of me was saying that I might never get another chance like this and to do this while it was still an option. “Please, Chanyeol. I want to feel happy again. Please do this. For me.”

It seemed that the mischevous side of me won out when I connected our lips, pulling him up my body till our faces were level. Our lips moved together in sync gracefully until Baekhyun slid his tongue across my bottom lip, asking for the entrance I promptly accepted. He still tasted as sweet as he did the first time.

I rolled us over so I was hovering over him, continuing to kiss him passionately. His hands floated up my back, resting on the back of my neck with his fingers caressing my skin. I began trailing kisses down his neck, grazing gentle kisses over the delicate skin of his neck as my hands slid under his shirt, running my hands tenderly over his stomach and chest. He moaned out at the touch only causing me to want to continue so I hear those angelic sounds more.

I pulled away to slowly pull his shirt off him, dropping it on the floor. He was so beautiful without even trying. My fingertips trailed from his neck, down to his collarbone, gently brushing over it. From there, I moved to his chest, grazing around his nipples, never coming to rest on either of them. Moving down slowly to his stomach, I ran over his belly button, watching him squirm at the light touch. I kissed him again, running my hands slowly up and down his sides. I started the familiar path down his body again, this time leaving tender kisses in my wake. Baekhyun continued to writhe underneath me, wiggling at each touch of my lips against him.

“You wanted to feel special and important, so I'm taking this slow.” I wanted to make the most of this time we had together and make it something neither of us would forget. And I really wanted to drag it out so it lasted as long as possible, for my own selfish reasons.

Baekhyun tugged at my shirt, and taking the hint, I sat back enough to pull it off. When I leaned over to kiss his lips again, the feeling of his bare skin against mine was like fire burning through my whole body.

Like he did every weekend, Baekhyun had chose to lounge around in his briefs all day, so his exquisite legs had been on display for me all day. As I agonizingly slowly pulled them down his legs, I kissed over every spot they revealed, choosing to only leave one small peck on the tip of his member. I could tell he didn't like that I left it at that, but he chose not to argue it.

I reached for the lube I knew he kept stashed in his nightstand, using a little more than necessary knowing my fingers were bigger than Ji Joon's and even his own.

“Are you ready?” He nodded swiftly, eager to move on. I gradually pushed my first finger past his ring of muscles, waiting for him to adjust before moving it in and out. He adjusted quickly to each finger, taking in three of them, mewling more and more with each addition. I made quick work of removing my sweats and boxers, lubing myself up equally as brisk. I moved even slower pushing myself in than I did with my fingers, knowing the stretch would be painful for him.

I placed gentle kisses everywhere I could reach in hopes of distracting him till he was ready for more. When he asked for me to move, I started slowly, only picking up speed when his face contorted in pleasure. Each thrust of my hips was like heaven, being engulfed in Baekhyun's tight heat, punctuated with a soft kiss on his neck and collarbone with each one. The sounds dripping from his plump lips were so magnificent and made me wish I could play them back all the time, just to be able to hear the alluring sound to my heart's content. His voice was only even more appealing when I hit his prostate, prompting me to aim for it over and over just to hear him more.

When I felt the familiar pressure building up in the pit of my stomach I knew we were moving closer to the end and I didn't want it to stop. I wanted this moment to last forever.

“Y-yeol. I-I'm,” Baekhyun stammered out, leaving me with no doubt that he was almost there as well. A couple minutes later and Baekhyun erupted with a scream, painting our stomachs in a layer of white. The clench around me was euphoric and only pushed me forward towards my own completion, spilling out inside of him. With a few more lazy thrusts, I pulled out, kissing him on the lips passionately and lovingly. I pulled him into my arms and nuzzled in his hair, feeling him snuggle into my shoulder. We both fell into a content sleep, not yet realizing the consequences of our actions.


	3. Three

When all this started, all the bullying and cruel jokes, I honestly didn't think it would last beyond a month or two before the kids at school found some new scandal to pique their interest. I never would've guessed that it would carry on for three years, eventually pushing Baekhyun out of school altogether. And had I been told that it would've resulted in me leaving him from being too overwhelmed and him cutting himself, I would've thought you were crazy. But here we are now, lying in Baekhyun's bed together, again, him passed out and his wrist bandaged up.

I wanted to hate Baekhyun. If I had hated him, my life would be so much easier. But I can't blame him for me being in this situation. I didn't have anybody to blame. I couldn't even blame myself. I didn't ask to fall in love with Baekhyun. I didn't ask for Ji Joon to break up with him and spread rumors about him throughout the school. I didn't ask for every student in school to pick on him. All of this must have happened for a reason; I just didn't know what that reason was yet.

I felt Baekhyun shuffling beside me, waking up from his two-hour-long nap. Even after all this time, he still made my heart skip a beat everytime I watched him wake up.

“You're still here?” he asked, seemingly surprised of my presence.

“I said I would be. Did you really think I'd lie to you?”

“No. But you left once before and there's not much reason for you to stay.”

“Yes, there is. I love you, Baekhyun. Don't you think that's reason enough?” He just shrugged his shoulders, looking away from me and playing with his fingers. “Is that why you cut yourself? Because I left and you thought I didn't love you anymore?”

“I just felt so alone. You've been with me through everything for three years and when you left,” his voice cut out and I could see the tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes. “It was like being broken up with all over again, but this time I didn't have anyone to help.”

“You're never alone, Baekhyun. Even if I didn't come back, you still have your parents. They love you, too and would never want anything to happen to you.”

“It's not the same. They're just my parents. They don't make me feel the way you do.”

“And what way is that?”

“Safe. Loved. Like I can do anything as long as you're with me. I can get out of bed and face the world everyday because you're beside me. I didn't realize everything you do for me until you weren't here to do them.”

“Do you understand why I left?”

“Yes. I know I was selfish. I even knew I was acting like that, but you let me. At a certain point, I gave up trying to do anything to help myself, because I knew you'd stay even if I was broken.”

“I love you, Baekhyun, no matter what, but I love the old you more. The you that was always happy and loved life. The you didn't like to ask for help with anything because you were determined to do everything yourself. I loved your persistence and drive. I can't do everything for you. You need to find out how to get your old self back. If not for me, then for your parents. And for you.”

“I'm sorry, Chanyeol. Can you ever forgive me?”

“I already have. I understand how it feels to want to give up. And even though I did, I came back. Now I need you to.”

“I'll try. For you, I'll try.”

 

♥사랑해♥

 

“When can I come over and see Baekhyun?” Kris had somehow found the most opportune time to call me: while Baekhyun was in the shower. Thankfully he didn't ask me to accompany him. I think for the last few days he was really trying to make an effort to not be so dependent on me.

“How about this afternoon? Are you free?”

“Yeah, and I believe Tao is, too. He's been asking about him.”

“I think it'll be good for him to see some different people. He's been cooped up in this house with just me for so long.” Baekhyun came back in the room at that moment, dressed in some sweatpants and one of my tee-shirts; he seemed to like my clothes more than his own. His hair was still wet and he had a towel around his neck. “I'll see you later, then.”

“You got it.” I hung up, setting my phone on the desk next to me.

“Where are you going?” Baekhyun asked, an obvious sad tone to his voice.

“Nowhere.”

“Then who were you just talking to?”

“That was Kris. He wants to come over later with Tao and see you. They've both been asking about you.”

“I don't think I'm ready to see more people.” He dropped on the bed, covering his eyes with his arm.

“I think you are. Come on, Baek. They're your friends. They've been worried about you.”

“Kris is my friend. I don't know Tao. What if he's one of the people that made fun of me all the time?” I sat next to him on the bed, rubbing his arm soothingly.

“Tao isn't like that. He wouldn't say anything mean about anyone. Honestly, that boy couldn't hurt a fly. He's scared of his own shadow.” Baekhyun just whined in response, trying everything to get out of this. “You're not gonna convince me, Baekhyun. They're coming later, even if I have to drag you downstairs.”

“Do they know about this?” He lifted up the arm that wasn't covering his eyes slightly, indicating the healing cuts on his wrist.

“No. It's not my place to tell anyone about that. If you want them to know, then you can tell them. All Kris knows is that I left for personal reasons and then I came back. He just doesn't know why I came back.”

“Does he know how you feel about me?”

“Yes.” While I had told Baekhyun that I loved him, and I did feel a little better about it now that he knew, it still hurt to talk about it.

“And I really can't get out of this?”

“Not a chance.” He just sighed in defeat, his arm still over his eyes, shielding himself from the light.

“Okay, I'll do it. But I'll only try to enjoy it on one condition.”

“And what is that?”

“Kiss me.” He slid his arm up to his forehead, looking at me with pleading eyes that instantly broke any sort of control I had on the situation.

“You're killin me, Baek.” I crawled to him on the bed, placing my hands on either side of his neck to hold myself up, hovering over him. I leaned down to connect our lips, kissing him like I always used to. It was slow and affectionate, loving and caring. When we finally broke I leaned my forehead against his, keeping my eyes closed. “How do you do this to me?”

“Do what?”

“Manage to make me so powerless with just two simple words.” I laid down next to him on my stomach, resting my head in the crook of his neck. “You make me so weak.”

“I'm sorry,” his words coming out barely above a whisper.

“Don't be sorry. It's not your fault.” It was no one's fault.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

I could tell Baekhyun was anxious about Kris and Tao coming over; his sitting position was so tense. He sat sideways on my lap, leaning back against the arm of the couch with his arms around his knees, his hands clasped tightly together so that his knuckles turned white. He slowly started to relax the longer they were there, his hands unclasping and his legs straightening out. Now he was sitting almost diagonally in my lap, pressed into my side with my arm around his waist. He was laughing and smiling and I was happy to see the old Baekhyun starting to come out again.

“I don't think I've laughed like this in years. It's nice to be around friends again.” Baekhyun slouched on top of me, starting to come down from his fit of laughter. I rested my forehead against the side of his head, my lips brushing against his ear.

“I've missed this side of you,” I whispered, just loud enough for only him to hear. I lightly kissed the skin behind his ear, forgetting that we weren't alone momentarily. His breath hitched for a second and I wanted to take the moment further, but I was quickly reminded that we weren't the only people in room by Kris clearing his throat loudly next to us.

“Is anybody else hungry?” he asked, trying to clear the awkwardness in the air. Now that he mentioned it, I could definitely go for something to eat, and I bet Baekhyun could, too.

“I could get us a pizza or something. Whatever sounds good.”

“That's a good idea. Why don't you take Tao and get us some food,” Kris suggested. I had no idea what he was up to, but I didn't like the thought of leaving him here alone with Baekhyun. It's not that I didn't trust him, I just didn't think Baekhyun would be too comfortable with it.

“Why don't I take Baekhyun instead?”

“Because this is his house. It's rude for the host to leave his guests here alone. Besides, we'll be fine long enough for you to pick up a pizza, right Baekhyun?”

“Yeah, I'll be fine, Chanyeol. Don't worry about me.” He held my hand in his, gently stroking the back of it with his thumb, like he was trying to convince me.

“Are you sure?”

“I'm positive.”

“Okay then. Text me if you need anything.” I scooted him off my lap so I could get up, grabbing my keys by the door while I slipped on my shoes, Tao following behind me. “We won't be gone long.” Baekhyun just nodded, waving at me as I closed the door behind Tao and myself as we headed for my car.

“I get the feeling Kris suggested this on purpose,” I said, getting into the car with Tao following suit next to me.

“I don't know. He didn't tell me anything. And you know Kris, he's always hungry. He could eat a whole large pizza just to come back for another ten minutes later.”

“Yeah, he eats like he hasn't eaten in years. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.”

“That's probably it. You're just worried about Baekhyun and that's perfectly understandable. By the way, how's it going with him?”

“He's doing better. He's really been trying to be happier since I came back and I think he has been. I'm starting to see the old Baekhyun in him again.”

“That's nice, but I meant how are you doing since you went back to him?” I fidgeted nervously, having never talked about this subject with anybody other than Kris. I didn't know how much Tao knew. “I don't mean to pry or anything, I just know how you feel about him, and it's pretty obvious with how you act around him. I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay, since I know it can't be easy, the situation you're in.”

“It's not easy by any means, but it's getting better. He knows now how I feel about him and he doesn't push me to do things that just end up hurting me later. He's been considerate of that. But it still hurts sometimes. Like in the middle of the night when he's sleeping peacefully in my arms and I know that he doesn't feel the same way about me, even though sometimes it seems like he does. I think he just feels safe around me.”

“Are you okay with staying in his life even though you'll never be more to him?”

“If you had asked me that a year ago, I would've said that I was, that just being with him was more than enough, even if he didn't return the feelings. But now that I've experienced exactly that for some time, I'm not sure how long I can withstand it before I have to leave again. And maybe for good. That thought hurts me the most.” I could feel the tears start to well up at the thought of leaving him again, possibly forever. I was in such a difficult position and I had absolutely no idea how to handle it.

I could feel Tao's hand gently rubbing the back of my shoulder to comfort me. I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to calm myself.

“It's okay to cry about it, Chanyeol. I know you're upset about it, but you don't have to make that decision now. When the times comes, I think you'll know exactly how to handle it. You'll be fine. And Baekhyun will be, too.” I really hoped that was the truth.

I pulled into the parking lot of the pizza place, shutting the car off and taking a second to pull myself together before we got out.

The ride back to Baekhyun's house was a lot less tense and emotional. We talked about Kris and all the stupid things he's done, laughing and making fun of him. I hadn't realized how close him and Tao had gotten until that conversation.

“Are you guys dating?”

“Yeah, for a month now. He didn't tell you?”

“No, but I kind of assumed. I can tell he really likes you.” Tao's cheeks reddened at those words as he looked down at his lap, a small smile tugging at the corner's of his mouth.

“I really like him, too. I've never known anyone as sweet as he is. He doesn't show it much to other people, but I can tell he really cares.”

“Do you love him?”

“I don't know. I just assumed I'd know it when I did. That it would just be a random moment when we're together and he's watching TV or cuddling with me and I suddenly just know it. I know it seems cheesy.”

“Not really. I realized I was in love with Baekhyun one day while we were studying. I should've been paying attention to the notes in front of me, like he was, but I just kept staring at him, watching the way he nibbled on his fingertips when he was trying to understand something and the way he kept flipping his hair out of his eyes when it started to annoy him. You'll know it when you feel it.”

We pulled up to the house at that moment, ending the conversation. I grabbed the pizzas from the back seat and Tao grabbed the drinks, heading up the walkway to the front door. Once we were both inside, shoes by the front door, pizza and drinks on the table and paper plates filled with slices, Baekhyun slid back into my lap, taking up the position that would always belong to him. I really was hopelessly in love with the boy.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

“So what did you and Kris talk about while I was gone?” Kris and Tao had left about an hour ago and Baekhyun and I were cuddled up together in his bed. It had been a long day and we were both tired, Baekhyun especially.

“Nothing much. Mostly you.”

“Oh, really? And what did you tell him about me?” I tightened my grip around his waist, pulling him closer to me till our chests were pressed together.

“That's for me to know and you to never find out.” I whined in response, upset that I didn't get to know what he had said. “What did you and Tao talk about?”

“Kris. And you. But mostly Kris.”

“They're in love. I can tell.”

“They just don't know it yet. But they will one day.”

“How did you know you loved me?”

“Ah, that my dearest Baekhyun, is something I'm not sharing with you.” His pout was adorable. But my not telling him was mainly revenge for him not telling me what I wanted to know. And a little bit because it hurt too much to talk about that with him. “But right now, all you need to worry about is getting some sleep.”

He snuggled up closer to me, resting his face in the crook of my neck. I stroked his hair gently, trying to lull him to a peaceful sleep before allowing myself to nod off as well. Right before I succumbed to my own sleep, I thought I felt a light kiss against my neck, but I was too far gone to know for sure.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

The next morning broke calm and peaceful, waking up to the morning sun shining in through the curtains, a warmth against my chest in the form of a small boy. Baekhyun's back was to me, but still pressed against me. I wrapped my arm around his waist to pull him closer to me, nuzzling my face in the nape of his neck. I honestly loved mornings like this; mornings where I woke up first and could just live in the moment of having Baekhyun by my side. I never passed up this opportunity.

But these moments never seemed to last for long and this one seemed to be no different. Baekhyun began wiggling about, trying to get more comfortable. This was usually when he would wake up and we'd talk for a moment before beginning our day. So I didn't expect it when Baekhyun just turned over to face me, burying his face in my chest, wrapping an arm around my middle and tangling our legs together. This had never happened before, but I just assumed that maybe he was having a bad dream and subconsciously was looking for me, seeking me out in his sleep. I just figured that reason to be all the more true when I heard him mumble my name into my shirt. Wanting the dream to end without waking him up, I gently stroked his hair like I had the night before, willing the bad dream away. But the only effect was him saying my name a few more times, almost in a whimper. I didn't want to wake him up, he hating waking up early, but it seemed like the only option.

I whispered his name softly in his ear, still tenderly stroking his hair. His eyes fluttered open, looking around in search of me before finding my eyes above him. I gently kissed his temple, my lips lingering for a moment.

“You kept saying my name. Were you having a bad dream?” His cheeks flushed red as he lowered his eyes from mine.

“No.”

“It's okay, Baekhyun. You don't have to be embarrassed. It's not the first time you've had a bad dream with me here. I just couldn't get you through this one without waking you up.” He didn't respond as he tried keeping his gaze anywhere but on me. I tilted his chin up to look at me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“That's okay.” I turned slightly to look at the clock. “It's only eight o'clock. Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“I don't think I could fall back asleep now.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Can we just stay here, like this, for a little while? I don't want to do anything yet.”

“Of course, Baek. Whatever you want.” He buried his face in my chest, his little hands tangling in my shirt to keep me close. He didn't need to worry; I wasn't going anywhere.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

When we finally got out of bed, it was around noon. Baekhyun had fallen back asleep, even though he didn't think he would, and I had at some point, too. We were awoke by the sound of my phone ringing on the nightstand next to me. When I picked it up, I saw that it was Kris calling.

“Hello?” I answered a little groggily, having just woke up.

“Dude, did I just wake you up? It's like noon. What are you doing with your life?”

“Shut up. What do you want?”

“I wanted to talk to you about yesterday. About what Baekhyun said while you were gone.” He had caught my attention. I really wanted to know what Baekhyun had said and he really didn't want to tell me himself. “Is he with you?”

“Yeah. Give me a minute.” I nudged Baekhyun a little, getting his attention as he rolled over to look at me. “Why don't you go ahead and get a shower, and when you're done we can talk about what you want to do today, okay?” He just yawned and nodded, getting up from bed to go to the bathroom. When he closed the door behind him, I focused my attention back on Kris. “Okay, so what happened?”

“We started out talking about how he'd been doing, but that changed into a conversation about you. I honestly sent you out with Tao because I wanted to get Baekhyun alone to talk to him.”

“I knew it. Something seemed fishy when you asked me to take Tao.”

“Yeah, I planned it, and I didn't tell Tao about it cause he would've ruined it. But anyway, we were talking about you, and I could tell, he loves you, Chanyeol.” My jaw dropped. There was no way. Kris just read something wrong.

“I don't think so, Kris. He might feel differently about me because of all we've been through, but he doesn't love me. Not like I love him.”

“You didn't see him. When we talked about you his eyes lit up and he smiled the biggest I've ever seen him smile. The only other person I've seen react like that is you, when you talk about him. He loves you, Chanyeol. He just doesn't realize it yet.”

I didn't know how to take this information. I felt like it would be getting my hopes up if I believed him, but I really wanted to. I wanted nothing more than for Baekhyun to love me back, but I had always thought it was too much to hope for. Could he really love me?

“You still there?”

“Yeah, sorry. I'm just trying to process this.”

“Just talk to him. He just needs a push in the right direction. You've been so sad since before all this started. I just want to see you happy, and I know he makes you happy. Give it some time if you need to. He'll realize it.”

“Thanks, Kris. I'll talk to you later.”

“Okay. See you around.”

I hung up, dropping my phone on the bed next to me before leaning back against the headboard. What if he really did love me? Could we finally be together? Could we do all the things I wanted to without hurting myself in the end? Could something finally go right?

I didn't have much time to think about it because soon Baekhyun was walking out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist as he went to his dresser to find some clothes to wear.

“I forgot to take clothes in there with me,” he giggled, laughing at his own mistake. I normally would've made a little joke, making fun of him, but in a way that wouldn't bother him. But with the information I had just received still rattling around in my brain, I didn't think when I bounded across the room to him, hugging him from the back. In his surprise at my actions, the towel slipped from his waist, leaving him naked and pressed up against me. I couldn't stop my wandering hands that were leaving hot trails all over his body, from his chest, to his stomach and down to his thighs, all while kissing his neck passionately.

“Ch-Chanyeol?” I hummed against his neck in acknowledgement, not halting my hands on his body. “What are you doing?”

“I'm just appreciating you. Can't I do that?” I kept moving dangerously close to his member, but pulling away right before I made contact. I didn't want to do something that would upset him; I was coherent enough to think that through.

“Y-you've never done this before, w-without me asking.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

N-no. Don't stop, please.” I didn't stop myself this time, my hand moving down to grip his half-hard member, giving it a gentle tug, hearing Baekhyun's breath hitch in response.

“Is this what you want?” My hand moved teasingly slow on him, wanting more reactions from him than I was getting.

“Faster, Chanyeol,” he breathed out, his chest heaving. I sped up my movements, getting a tighter grip on him at the same time. When I dug my thumb into his slit, the moans he released were music to my ears.

I pulled us back to sit on the edge of the bed, Baekhyun between my legs. His knees were getting weak and I didn't want him to fall.

I kept up a steady speed, occasionally thumbing his slit again, getting more and more moans and whimpers in response. He had slouched against my chest and his hands had a tight grip on my forearms, his knuckles starting to turn white. His head had fallen back against my shoulder, revealing all the pale, delicate skin to me, inviting me in. I gladly took that invitation, sucking marks there that would last for days.

He was so submissive and powerless to my actions, so it surprised me when he led my hand that wasn't still stroking him to his chest, guiding me to one of his nipples. I twisted it between my fingers, rubbing against it roughly, eliciting louder moans from him. He was quickly becoming a mess between my legs.

“Y-yeol.” His breathing was so heavy, I almost didn't make out my name on his lips.

“Are you close, babe?”

“Y-yes.”

“Don't hold back.” With those words and a few more tightened strokes, Baekhyun released on my hand with a cry, drooping against my chest. I pulled my shirt over my head, using it to wipe his cum off my hand before cradling him against me gently, holding him almost like a baby.

“You called me babe,” he whispered, his breathing beginning to even out.

“I did? I didn't realize. I won't do it again if you don't want me to.”

“No. I liked it.”

“Then I'll do it more often.” I placed a soft kiss on his forehead, then his cheek, leaving one last one on his lips.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

Much like any other day, we spent the rest of the day together. But unlike every other day, we actually left the house. We went for a walk in the park, and saw a movie, then ate dinner at one of his favorite restaurants. I kept initiating skinship, holding his hands, hugging him and even kissing him every now and then, hoping it would help him realize his feelings. But as we were getting home I began to think I was stupid for hoping it would happen within a day. I couldn't force it; it would happen when it happened. My last ditch effort was concluding that maybe we needed a little time apart, that maybe it I wasn't around, he would realize just how much he needed me with him. So as we were getting ready for bed, I finally voiced to him my thoughts.

“Baekhyun, I think we need a little time away from each other.”

“You're leaving me again?” His voice cracked a little and he dropped the pillow he was holding.

“Not leaving. I'm going to sleep in the guest room tonight. I think if we tried being apart for just a little while, maybe we could figure out what we want. Because our lives can't continue like this forever.”

“I know what I want, and that's you to sleep in here with me. I can't sleep if you're not with me.”

“It'll be hard for me, too.” I sat on the edge of the bed in front of him, pulling him down to sit in my lap. “But it's just for tonight. If it doesn't work out and we can't think of something we can change to begin to move on, then I'll come back. But we need to at least try. Okay?”

“No, I don't want to.”

“I'll be just on the other side of the wall. You can text me if you really need me.” I laid him down on his side of the bed, covering him up and pecking him softly on his lips. “I'll see you in the morning, babe.”

I left the room, hearing him try to call me back, as I walked down the hall to the next door that would lead me to the guest room. I'd slept in here a few times before so I was used to the room. But I wasn't used to being in such a big bed all by myself anymore. So four hours later when I was still tossing and turning, very much awake, it was no surprise to me. I was so used to having Baekhyun next to me, cuddled up to me, that without his prescence I was utterly doomed.

It was one in the morning and I had heard Baekhyun crying most of the time I was in here, but about an hour ago his cries had stopped, so I just assumed he had worn himself out and fallen asleep. And yet here I was, unable to get even a wink of sleep without him. I must seem so pathetic.

I had just turned over again when I heard the door open. I looked up to see Baekhyun closing the door behind him and making his way to the bed, lifting up the blanket and crawling in next to me.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing? You're supposed to be asleep in your room.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, a complete contradiction to what I was saying.

“I couldn't sleep without you. I need you next to me.”

“What is wrong with us?” I sighed. “We can't even spend one night away from each other.”

“We're in love.”

“What?” Did he just confess?

“We can't stay away from each other because we love each other.” He looked up in my eyes, holding his gaze there. “I love you, Chanyeol.”

“Please don't just be saying that so you can sleep here tonight. You have no idea how much that'll hurt me.”

“I'm not. I think I've known for awhile now, but I was too afraid to admit it. I thought I was in love with Ji Joon and look how that turned out. If you left me, too, I'd be left with no one.”

“Baekhyun, you know I'm not like Ji Joon. I really do love you, even when you didn't love me back. If I can stay with you through all of that, why would I leave you when you do love me?”

“I don't know. I'm bound to make mistakes and make you upset and frustrated.”

“And I probably would, too. No one's perfect. I love you just the way you are. And nothing would be fun if it was perfect.”

“Will you kiss me?”

“You never have to ask me that.” I leaned in, holding his face in both my hands, and connected our lips. It was so much better than it had ever been before. Baekhyun's arms wrapped around my neck and this time he took the opportunity to dominate, sliding his tongue into my mouth. It didn't last long though before I took over, licking across the roof of his mouth and sucking on his tongue, my hands sliding down his back to rest just above his butt.

Without conscious thought, my hands were sliding up his shirt, clutching his sides while my thumbs ran over his nipples, causing him to moan into the kiss. His hips bucked up into mine and his arms tightened around my neck, pulling himself as close to me as he could. I pulled his shirt off him, kissing down his neck to his collarbone, leaving no spot untouched as I sucked dark marks everywhere I could reach. I really loved Baekhyun's naked body and any excuse I got to see it and worship it, I gratefully took advantage of. He was perfect in every way, shape and form.

I pulled his pajama pants down, revealing that he wasn't wearing his briefs. I don't know when that happened because I was pretty sure he was wearing them while we were getting dressed for bed. I hovered over top of him, breaking our kiss only momentarily, before I started grinding my clothed hips against his, feeling him get harder and harder with each thrust.

“Oh god, Chanyeol,” he whimpered, his head falling back against the pillows.I took that chance to ravish his neck, sucking more marks over his pale, smooth skin. The moan he let out while I was sucking on his adam's apple was particularly appealing.

“Please, Chanyeol. I-I need more. Stop teasing.”

“What do you want, Baekhyun?”

“You. In me. Please.” His sentences were short and to the point, breaking at the end due to the immense pleasure and heavy breathing. He tugged on the end of my shirt, asking for me to remove it, which I did. The skin against skin contact was just as breathtaking as the first time, and I didn't know if I would ever get used to it.

“I don't have any lube in here, Baek.” He responded by grabbing one of my hands, sucking my fingers into his mouth and coating them in his saliva. It certainly was a delicious sight and had me imagining what those lips would look like wrapped around my member. I broke out of my reverie to pull my fingers back, kissing him deeply as I trailed my fingers down the small of his back, leading to his hole. I pushed in the first finger slowly, not wanting to hurt him, but found my entrance to be strangely easy.

“Did you already stretch yourself, babe?”

“I might've.” He blushed at the question, probably feeling embarrassed at his eagerness. I just smirked at him adding two more fingers simultaneously and watching his back arch obscenely off the bed. My fingers were quite a bit larger than his and had almost immediately found his sweet spot. Once I found it, I made sure to aim for it continually, pushing deep and ruthlessly. If anything, I think he liked it that way.

“Do you like that? Do you like me being rough?”

“Oh god, yes! Harder, please!” I complied, pushing my fingers in with more force and at a faster speed. He was squirming and writhing beneath me, his mouth opened in silent moans and screams with each assault on his prostate.

“You, Chanyeol. I need you.”

“If you insist.” I pulled my pajama pants and boxers down in one swift movement, spitting into my palm to lube myself up before positioning myself at his entrance.

“How much do you want this, Baek?”

“I want this so bad. Please, Chanyeol. Please.” His whimpers were adorable and I took pity on him, shoving myself deep inside him, taking no mercy on him. In a way, it was almost revenge for all the pain he put me through. And like my pain, his was also quite pleasurable.

My thrusts were constant, steady and powerful. Each snap of my hips up in him was glorious for me and satisfying for him. It took no time to to have him quivering underneath me again.

I pulled out and quickly shifted our positions, lying him on his side and me behind him. I pushed into him again, pistoning myself in and out of his tight heat. I pulled his leg up to his chest, allowing myself to delve deeper inside of him, finding his prostate again instantly. His cries and screams reached a new pitch and volume, flooding consistently from his lips.

At this angle, my orgasm was rushing closer and closer with each thrust. Baekhyun's was steadily coming to a peak too, as he started stroking himself in time with my thrusts.

“Come for me, babe,” I whispered huskily in his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. He reached his peak with a loud shout, releasing on his hand and stomach, clenching around me pleasantly. A few more thrusts and I released as well, filling him up to the brim. I helped us ride out our highs before pulling out, seeing my cum drip out of him onto his thigh. I grabbed the tissues from the nightstand behind me and cleaned him up, being extra gentle on his backside, knowing he must be really sensitive at the moment.

He pulled my arms around his waist, making me hug him from behind. He intertwined our fingers before pulling our hands up to kiss me gently.

“Please tell me you really meant it before, Baek. That you really do love me.”

“I do. I love you, Chanyeol.” Those were the only words I needed to hear for the rest of my life.


	4. Epilogue

One month. Four amazing weeks. That's the amount of time that I've been able to call Baekhyun mine. That's how long I've been able to kiss those luscious lips whenever I want to. That's how long I've been able to make love to that heavenly body every single night. That's how long I've been able to tell Baekhyun I love him at every moment of the day, and be able to hear it back. This had been the greatest time of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The night Baekhyun finally confessed to me, is honestly the one night of my life that I will never forget. Being able to make love to him, and have him return the feelings, was a pleasure I couldn't even describe. We eventually fell asleep, having exhausted ourselves. We woke up in the guest bedroom, since we didn't bother to go back to his room, holding each other closely like we were when we went to sleep. The sweet ambiance of the morning was quickly shattered and turned to a cloud of pure embarrassment when we were trying to quickly sneak back to Baekhyun's bedroom after making the bed that we had so thoroughly disheveled.

“Hey Chanyeol, can I speak to you for a second in the living room?” I heard the voice ask from behind me, turning to see Baekhyun's father standing outside his room, dressed for the day.

“Yes sir. I'll be there in just a moment.” He nodded swiftly before walking to his destination where I would meet him. “I'll be back in a minute, babe. Okay?” Baekhyun nodded, leaning in to kiss me quickly before slipping into his bedroom. I followed the same path his father had made, seeing him sitting at his computer like I had seen him so many times before. I took a seat in the same chair I had sat in when I brought Baekhyun home from school that day, the day that had set everything in motion to lead us to where we are now.

“Why, may I ask, were you and my son sneaking out of the guest room just now?”

“I had decided last night that I thought we needed a little time apart, so I slept in the guest room. But neither of us seemed able to sleep without the other and Baekhyun ended up joining me early this morning.” I conveniently left out the fact that Baekhyun had confessed to me and we had sex.

“I take it my son finally realized his feelings for you, am I right?”

“Yes sir, but can I ask how you knew that?” I was beginning to wonder if there were hidden cameras around the house or if he had eavesdropped outside the door last night.

“As you well know by now, my son turns out to be a screamer.” I felt my cheeks immediately start to burn, most likely turning a very bright shade of red. It had never occurred to me quite how loud we had been last night and I was silently telling myself to make sure we kept the sounds to a minimum in the future.

“I'm so sorry, sir. I really love your son so much. I meant no disrespect to you or Baekhyun.” I was trying desperately to fix this, hoping he wouldn't keep us apart now that we were finally together.

“There's no need to apologize, Chanyeol. I know your feelings for him and I know last night wasn't the first time for you two. It's a long story,” he said with his hand raised, stopping me from asking how he knew that. I thought we had always been careful, but I guess we weren't as sneaky as we thought. “I just wanted to let you know that I know about your relationship with my son and give you my blessing.”

“Sir?” I asked in surprise. This wasn't what I was expecting when he told me he knew I had had sex with his son. And that he had heard us, at that.

“It's been obvious to me that you've had feelings for Baekhyun for a long time now and you've more than proved that you care for him strongly. I couldn't ask for a better partner for him and I know you'll take care of him for as long as you're together, which I hope will be for a very long time.”

“Thank you, sir. Honestly it means a lot to me,” I replied, standing up to shake his hand. The conversation had been completely different from what I had thought it would be, starting out seemingly innocently, turning quite embarrassing and ending on a very high note.

“Just keep doing what you're doing. I know Baekhyun cares a lot about you. As long as he's happy, I'm happy.”

“I definitely plan to keep it that way.” I left the living room smiling, overly ecstatic at the outcome of the exchange. I hadn't put much thought into what Baekhyun's parents would think about us being together, even though I knew they liked me and trusted me.

When I got back to the bedroom, I couldn't keep the smile off my face, and seeing Baekhyun curled up on the bed so cutely only made my smile that much brighter.

“What are you so happy about? What did my dad want?” I crawled into the bed, pulling Baekhyun against me and kissing the top of his head.

“Well, firstly, I think the neighbors heard you last night, as well as your parents.”

“And you're happy about that? Damn, you're smug.”

“Just a bit,” I chuckled, earning a slap from Baekhyun against my chest. “But after he told me that he knew about last night, along with probably every other time we've had sex, he also told me that he approves of us and that as long as you're happy, he's happy.”

“Seriously? He's okay with this?”

“I think he wanted us to be together. He said he wants us to be together for a long time.”

“Wow. I didn't think he'd be happy with me dating anyone else for awhile, especially after the disaster that Ji Joon created.”

“Neither of you have to worry about that ever again because I would never do anything to hurt you. You mean way too much to me.” I tilted his chin up to look in his eyes, kissing him softly and sweetly. “I love you, Baekhyun.”

“I love you, too.” Baekhyun leaned in for the kiss this time, both of us lingering long after the kiss ended. “And I'm holding you to that promise.”

 

♥사랑해♥

 

One incredible month later brought us to a day that we both had been looking forward to for years. It seemed slightly less insignificant to us now, given the circumstances, but we still were elated knowing the day was here. Today was the day we were officially high school graduates. There was no ceremony for us, since we were in home schooling for the final months of senior year, but Kris would be walking the stage with everyone else in our class. He had already invited both myself and Baekhyun, along with Tao, to attend and support him. We were both more than happy to go, despite not having the greatest memories of our old high school.

When I woke up in the morning, it was to a faceful of Baekhyun's shirt, his arms wrapped around my neck and one of his legs thrown over my hip. It was a normal morning, waking up with Baekhyun pressed so close to me. Ever since we officially started dating, it's like the part of his brain that controls his concept of personal space was completely turned off. I wasn't complaining, by any means, but I had woken up many a morning burning up and sweat soaking the back of my shirt.

I shuffled up the bed a bit, until I was face to face with his neck, kissing the pale, delicate skin softly. His grip around my neck tightened and his leg that was over my hip pulled me closer. I didn't know if he had woken up, since I couldn't see his face, but his reaction regardless was a good one.

“Wake up, babe,” I whispered against his neck, still peppering him with gentle kisses. He kept holding onto me tightly, but I knew he was awake when I heard the whine escape his lips. He really hates waking up before noon.

“It's too early.”

“But we have to get ready for Kris' graduation. Don't you wanna see him and Tao?” I slipped my hand up the back of his shirt, running my fingertips lightly up and down his spine. I felt the shiver run down his body at the contact. All I got for an answer was another little whine. “If you get up, I'll give you a treat tonight.”

“What kind of treat?”

“That's a surprise, babe. You have to get up to see.” I heard him grumble something incoherent, but he got up nonetheless. “Let's go get a shower.”

“Carry me, please?” Baekhyun was being particularly whiny and childish this morning, and I needed to break him of that; I wouldn't let him take advantage of me anymore. So I did carry him to the bathroom, but I carried him over my shoulder, making him yelp at me suddenly lifting him up and him smacking my back at his distaste of how he was being handled. “That was mean,” he murmured once I set him down on the counter.

“Don't act like a brat and I won't treat you like one.” He just scowled at me, muttering to himself. Our shower was quick and quiet, since Baekhyun still seemed to be agitated at me. We got dressed in silence, but I knew I needed to break the tension before we saw Kris and Tao.

I turned Baekhyun around from where he was standing next to his desk, scrolling through his phone, kissing him abruptly. He initially tried to push me away, but I pulled him close by his waist, not letting him escape. I took his phone from him and set it on the desk, picking him up by the back of his thighs and dropping him on his bed on his back. I crawled over him, kissing him again. He started to respond to the kiss, his arms wrapping around my shoulders and my hands resting on his hips. When I finally pulled away, we were both out of breath and our chests were heaving.

“I'm sorry I carried you like that and called you a brat, but you were being difficult. I love you, Baek, and I don't want you mad at me.”

“I wasn't mad, I was just being immature. You know I don't like waking up early.”

“It really wasn't that early, babe. It was like ten o'clock.”

“Shut up. Don't make me take back my forgiveness. You really shouldn't have called me a brat.”

“But sometimes, you really are.”

“I'm not a brat,” he mumbled, turning to look away from me. I kissed him again, turning the situation back around again. “I really can't be upset with you,” he sighed.

“That's because you love me too much.”

“And you're really making me second guess myself.” I just laughed at that, knowing he didn't really mean it. I pecked his lips one last time.

“I love you, Baek.”

“I love you, too.”

“Now, come on. Kris will yell at us if we're late.” I pulled him up from the bed, leading him to the door so we could leave. So far, it was promising to be a good day.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

We got to the school relatively early, which was my intention, because I wanted to have time to spend with Kris and Tao before the ceremony started, even though that meant waking up Baekhyun early, which he clearly didn't appreciate. Tao wasn't there yet, which we knew because I had Baekhyun text him on the drive there, but he wasn't far behind. We were walking to the classroom that Kris told us to meet him in when we heard a voice calling Baekhyun behind us.

“Hey, Baekhyun. Can I talk to you for a minute?” That was a voice I'd recognize anywhere. That was the voice that I'd had dreams about, dreams where I finally got the satisfaction of socking the owner of that voice in the face. That voice belonged to Ji Joon.

Baekhyun tensed up next to me once he recognized the voice as well. I don't think he was ready to have that confrontation, but he turned to look at him anyway.

“What do you want, Ji Joon?” I asked, pulling Baekhyun into my side and holding him protectively. I certainly hadn't forgotten about all the pain and trouble he had put both of us through.

“I wanted to talk to Baekhyun. I wanted to apologize. For everything.”

“It's a bit too late for that.”

“I'm sorry about that, too. I should've tried to make amends long ago.”

“You shouldn't have done anything to be sorry for in the first place.”

“I know. I truly am sorry. I wasn't thinking about the repercussions of outing you. I honestly didn't think that it would get that bad.”

“You horribly underestimated what it's like to be gay in high school. You tried to save your own ass by throwing Baekhyun under the bus. Do you have any idea the extent of his bullying? He was tortured day in and day out by everyone. We're just lucky he's still in one piece.” My voice was raising with each word and I felt my whole body shaking with anger. I was trying so hard not to punch this guy because I didn't want to upset Baekhyun.

“I don't want to fight with you, Chanyeol. I just wanted to make my peace and hopefully put all of this behind us.”

“Whether or not Baekhyun wants to forgive you is up to him, but I for one will never be able to.” I looked down at Baekhyun to see his head was down, unwilling to make eye contact with the guy in front of him. I tilted his chin up so I could see him and kissed him lightly. “It's up to you, babe. I'll support whatever you choose.” I know he didn't expect to be making this decision today and probably had never thought about ever making this decision, and he seemed really uneasy about it.

“I'll forgive you, Ji Joon,” Baekhyun finally answered, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I don't want anything to do with you ever again.”

“That's fair. Thank you for forgiving me. I wish you the best in the rest of your life. I hope you two will happy together.” He bowed his head quickly, then turned and left, leaving us alone where we were standing.

“Are you okay?” I hugged him tightly, stroking his hair gently.

“Yeah, I'm fine. I didn't expect to see him or that he would ever apologize, but I feel better knowing I did.”

“I'm proud of you. That was a really brave thing to do. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” I kissed him again, lingering against his lips before pulling him into another tight hug. “Come on. Let's get out of here before Kris comes barreling down the hall looking for us.” He smiled, holding onto my hand as we made our way to our original destination.

“It's about damn time! Tao got here before you guys! Did Baekhyun sleep in?” Kris' loud voice rang through the air the second we stepped in the classroom, seeing Kris sitting at a desk with Tao in his lap.

“Sorry, man. We kind of got stopped on the way here.”

“Don't tell me someone was picking on Baekhyun again.” Kris had developed a protective instinct over Baekhyun as well and it only grew when Baekhyun and I had withdrawn from school.

“No, it wasn't that. Ji Joon wanted to talk to him.”

“Please tell me you beat that guy to within an inch of his life.”

“No, that would've upset Baekhyun. He actually wanted to apologize.” I took a seat in the desk next to Kris and Tao, pulling Baekhyun into my lap and wrapping my arms around his waist, nuzzling my nose in the nape of his neck.

“Did you listen to him?”

“Yeah. I was honestly really close to pummeling him into the lockers, but I know Baekhyun doesn't like fighting. I upset him last time I got physical with someone and I swore I would never do it again. I didn't forgive him, but I let Baekhyun make his own decision.”

“And?”

“I forgave him.” Baekhyun spoke from my lap. “I never thought about what I would do if he ever apologized, but I realized that I didn't want to live the rest of my life holding a grudge against him. It's a waste of energy. I'd rather move on and just be happy.”

“I'm so proud of you. You're so amazing, baby.” I kissed him again, for what must have been the hundredth time that day already.

“Can we talk about something else now, please? I'm tired of this conversation,” Baekhyun said once we pulled away.

“How are you doing, Kris? I mean, you're the one who's graduating today.” I asked.

“A little nervous. Afraid I'll trip or something when I'm walking across the stage, but other than that, I'm okay.”

“Do you have any plans for after graduation?”

“Not much. I'll be going to college here so I'm not moving away. I have a little money saved away so I can get my own place, but I'll get a job since that money won't last forever. Tao will come stay with me on weekends and during breaks since he still has another year of high school left. What about you guys? You've technically graduated, too.”

“We've not talked about it. I was accepted to a couple colleges, but I didn't accept any of them. I don't know if college is where I want to go anymore. All I know is that I want to be with Baekhyun. Beyond that, I'm happy with anything.”

“I feel the same. As long as I'm with Chanyeol, I'm okay with anything.”

“You guys are so cheesy,” Kris teased. “It makes me want to throw up.”

“You're just jealous, you unromantic loser.”

“Hey! I'm romantic!”

“On our last date, you took me to the basketball courts, and whooped my ass, then took me to a fast food restaurant. We were sweaty and gross and you kept burping,” Tao reminded him.

“But the shower when we got home was very romantic, now wasn't it?” Tao's cheeks turned red at the memory and Kris didn't even need to elaborate for me to know what had happened. “I'm romantic where it counts.”

“Whatever, Casanova. Don't you need to get to the auditorium?” Kris looked at his watch, jumping when he saw the time.

“Shit! I gotta go!” He lifted Tao off his lap, kissing him a couple times before running to the door. “I'll see you guys when it's over!” he yelled as he made his way out the door.

“He's a mess,” Baekhyun commented.

“Yeah,” Tao dreamily replied, fondly watching where Kris had left the room.

“Well, let's go get our seats. I want close ones where I can embarrass him when he walks past.”

“You're so nice,” Tao said, following Baekhyun and I to the door.

“It's what friends do.”

 

♥사랑해♥

 

Throughout the ceremony and once we got home, I couldn't keep my mind off of what we talked about before, about what we planned on doing now that we officially graduated high school. It was true that I was happy with whatever as long as I was with Baekhyun, but I was starting to wonder if maybe I should've had a better plan, or at least some idea. I was clearly distracted and Baekhyun had noticed.

“What's wrong, Yeol?” Baekhyun asked once we were back at home, cuddled up in his bed with a movie on that I wasn't paying any attention to. I honestly didn't even know what the movie was since I was so preoccupied.

“Nothing, I'm just thinking.”

“About what? You know you can talk to me about whatever it is. Are you upset about Ji Joon?”

“No, I'm way past that. He doesn't even matter. I've just been thinking about what we talked about with Kris earlier, about what we wanted to do with our lives now. It just bothers me a little that we have nothing planned.”

“I don't think we need to have everything planned out for the rest of our lives. We only just graduated.”

“I don't need everything planned out, I'd just like at least some idea of what I'd like to do for the next year, at least.”

“Well, what do you want? Other than just staying with me?” I chuckled at his question. It was sincerely the only thing that I knew I really wanted.

“This past year has been really hard, on both of us. It would be nice to be able to live for a little while completely stress-free. College is out of the question for next year, since I didn't accept anything and it's too late now.”

“How about us getting our own place?”

“You want to live together? So soon?”

“Yeah. I know we only just started actually dating a month ago, but it feels like it's been for years. And you practically already live with me, anyway. Do you not want that?”

“No, no. I would really like that. I'd love to live alone with you and not have to worry about your parents hearing us every night. I think I could afford a couple months at a decent place with the money I've been saving, but we'd both have to get a job at some point. Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah. If it's so we can stay together, I'll do anything.”

“Well, why don't we start looking for apartments tomorrow, then?”

“It's a deal. I'll even wake up before noon without complaint.”

“I'm holding you to that.” I kissed him lightly as I pulled him on top of me. “What do you say we ignore the rest of this movie and I give you that treat I promised?” He just giggled, kissing me again. I was finally starting to feel better.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

Baekhyun stayed true to his word, getting up at ten o'clock without complaining even once. It really surprised me; even though he promised, I still expected him to grumble and gripe at least a little bit. We quickly showered, since I woke up sweating with Baekhyun draped over me again, and got dressed. We were sitting on the couch in the living room, scrolling through apartment listings by eleven thirty, after eating breakfast.

“What do you think about this one, Baek?”

“I like it, but the master closet is a bit small. You know I've got a lot of clothes.”

“Yeah, you really need to downsize some.”

“I'll get rid of some of my clothes when you get rid of some of your snapbacks.” He knew he won when I didn't respond, choosing to admit defeat because I definitely wasn't getting rid of any of my snapbacks.

“Okay, then have there been any that we've looked at so far that you did like?”

“I really liked that second one. There was a nice-sized closet and bathroom for me and the kitchen was really nice for you. Plus we could get a king-sized bed in that bedroom and I really want that.”

“I liked that one, too. It's not too far away so we can visit our families and Kris easily. I think it might be the one. It's pretty affordable, too.”

“What are you two doing?” Baekhyun's father asked, walking into the living room at that moment.

“We were looking at apartments. We decided last night we want to move in together. We found one we agreed on and we can afford it for a couple months with the money we already have saved while we look for jobs.” Baekhyun was really excited about this, and I was too, but his excitement just radiated from him. He had more than enough excitement for the both of us.

“What great timing. I've actually been wanting to talk to you two about this.” He took a seat in the chair I usually sat in, angling himself to look at the both of us. “I was wondering what both of you were planning on doing now that you're graduated.”

“I had planned on going to college, but with the year the both of us have had, I was a bit distracted and never accepted to any college and it's too late now. We talked last night and decided that we wanted to take a year off and just relax since the past few years haven't been the easiest for either of us.”

“I understand. It's been hard on you two lately. I support whatever decision you make and I think you made a smart one.”

“Thank you, sir. That means a lot.”

“In light of your decision, I would like to offer a bit of help to you. I'd like to pay for your rent for a year. You've helped my son so much, Chanyeol, and I'll never be able to thank you enough for saving him when he hit rock bottom. I feel that this is the least I can do to help you out on the beginning of your lives together.”

I was astounded. I knew he appreciated everything I had done for Baekhyun, but I never expected him to feel that strongly and offer something as amazing as that. I honestly didn't feel like everything I had done warranted anything as extravagant as this.

“Thank you, dad!” Baekhyun leapt out of his seat, hugging his father tightly and kissing him on the cheek.

“Yes, thank you. I don't feel that anything I did was worth this much, but I appreciate it a lot.”

“Don't be so humble, Chanyeol. You were the only person there for Baekhyun through everything that happened. You were there when my wife and I didn't know how to help. Baekhyun could've died if it weren't for you. And I'll always remember that.”

I never thought about it that way because I was always happy to be able to help. To me, everything I did was just part of the job description when I realized just how much I loved Baekhyun. It was all something I wanted to do.

“Thank you, sir. I just....thank you.” I didn't know what to say. I shook his hand before sitting back down next to Baekhyun.

“I'll leave you two to make your final decision on your future apartment. Just let me know what you choose.”

“Thank you again, sir. I really appreciate this.”

“It's really no problem. I just want my son to be happy.”

I just wanted him to be happy, too.

 

♥사랑해♥

 

A week later and Baekhyun and I were moving into our very own apartment. We bought a lot of the furniture ourselves, but my parents bought our bed and the couch for the living room. Baekhyun decorated most of the place, using beiges and whites on the walls and in the furniture. I chose everything for the kitchen since Baekhyun probably wouldn't ever cook; he was kind of hopeless in the kitchen.

By the end of the first day mostly everything was unpacked and just needed to be organized, especially the closet. Between all of Baekhyun's clothes and all of my snapbacks and sneakers, it looked like a tornado blew through there. We decided to tackle it another day since we were tired and it would probably take a whole day on it's own. At the moment, we were spread out on our huge king-sized bed taking a break from the long day we'd had. I took one of Baekhyun's hands in mine, kissing the back of it and watching the huge smile that spread out over his face.

“We have our own place, babe.” We were both so happy, despite being tired from the events of the day.

“It seems so surreal. I've only ever lived with my parents.”

“I've pretty much only lived with your parents, too.” Baekhyun laughed at that. Most of the past three years of my life were spent at his house, sleeping in his bed, using his bathroom and pretty much moving in. I didn't regret a minute of it, but I was happy to be out of that house, no matter how nice it was or how hospitable his parents had always been.

Without me noticing, due to my eyes being closed, Baekhyun had pulled all his clothes off, crawling over to me and perching himself on my lap. It was a nice surprise when I opened my eyes once I felt the weight on top of me.

“Yeollie,” Baekhyun whined, rutting himself against me. My mind had been on getting the apartment set up all day that I hadn't even thought about the end of the day and the big, soft bed that was waiting for us to break in. I sat up, holding Baekhyun in my lap still, and kissed him, running my tongue all around his mouth and my hands all over his naked body. I pulled back long enough to pull my own shirt off before reattaching our lips, thrusting up in time with his movements.

“How bad do you want this, Baekkie?” I teased his entrance, running my fingers up and down the cleft of his ass and kissing his neck. He whimpered at all the contact, continually grinding against me. The skin of his thighs was turning red from the brush of my jeans against his delicate skin.

“Please, Yeol. Take me, please.”

“Will you ride me?”

“Anything. Just, please Chanyeol.” It always amazed me how quickly Baekhyun loses control of the situation and starts begging and whimpering for my dick in his ass. I was glad to give it to him, but always after a little teasing and taunting.

Thankfully, the lube was one thing we did have put away in it's correct place, so I quickly grabbed it and coated my fingers in it. I traced down the crack of Baekhyun's ass tormentingly slow, easing more whines from his lips. The tip of my finger ran around the rim of his entrance, never pushing in in the slightest, leaving Baekhyun that much more frustrated. His cock was an angry red, pre-come dripping from the tip and smearing over my stomach from how much he kept rubbing against me in need of friction.

“Chanyeol,” he cried, his head buried in my neck. I could feel tears spill out of his eyes at the same time I finally pushed my finger in and he wound his arms around my neck tightly, our chests flush against each other. Foreplay between the two of us was ultimately a form of torture, but we both oddly liked it, no matter who was in control, because we both got what we wanted in the end.

I pushed my finger in and out of him, keeping a steady, but somewhat slow pace. I aimed to the opposite direction of where I knew his prostate was. He knew I was doing this on purpose and tried to direct his body to get what he wanted, but I wrapped my free arm around his waist to keep him still, eliciting another set of whimpers from him.

“Please, I need it, Chanyeol.” He nuzzled against my neck, trying to convince me to strike his sweet spot, but I just added another finger and stayed away from where he wanted me to go, stretching him out in the process. He was scratching up my back and biting into my skin where my neck met my shoulder, but the aggressive actions didn't spur me to give him what he wanted either. It only made me that much more relentless in what I was doing.

I added the last finger, still stretching him and purposely missing his prostate. He was full out crying now, using that as his last resort to get what he wanted. In another situation, it would've worked. But I wasn't hurting him; I was just teasing him.

I pulled my fingers out, deeming him ready, and pulled him off my lap, seeing his red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. I pulled my jeans and boxers off and lubed up my throbbing erection before pulling Baekhyun back on my lap and lying on my back. He immediately pushed himself up and lined himself up with my member, then slammed himself down, hitting his prostate dead on with a scream.

He kept his hands on my chest for leverage, pushing himself up, then crashing back down. The tears falling from his eyes now were of pure pleasure and satisfaction.

“Is that good, baby? Is this what you wanted?” He nodded his head rapidly, his mouth opening in a silent moan.

“So good.” His answer slurred into moans and became incoherent, but I knew what he was trying to say. When his pace slowed some, I grasped his hips securely, guiding his body to do what he wanted.

When I started meeting his bounces with upward thrusts he lost his balance for a moment, grabbing my forearms harshly and digging his fingernails into my skin. I sat up, latching onto one of his pink, perky nipples, sucking and nibbling on the nub. The room was filled with the sounds of skin slapping against skin, moans, whimpers and cries and smelt of pure sex and sweat.

“Are you close, baby?” I asked when I felt his walls start to clench around me. He nodded against the top of my head, my lips kissing over his chest and collarbone. I met each of my thrusts with a stroke on his member, spurring him quickly to his release on my hand and both our stomachs. He was exhausted, so I laid him on his back, hovering over him to reach my own release. With another handful of rough and well-aimed thrusts, I released inside of him, filling him up and pulling out, seeing my cum spill out. I licked up every ounce of cum I could, causing him to whimper and writhe at the over stimulation on his entrance and cock.

I curled up next to him, pulling him into my arms and draping his leg over my waist like I know he liked. He nuzzled into my chest, placing a couple light kisses there.

“I love you, Chanyeol.”

“I love you, too, Baekhyun. Welcome home.”


	5. Bonus Chapter One

It didn't take long into their new life together for Chanyeol to start to get antsy staying at home all day everyday. He ran out of shows to watch, video games became repetitive and he could only have sex with Baekhyun so much until it felt like his dick would fall off. He loved spending time with his boyfriend, but he knew he'd have to do something with his life eventually. He really wanted a career in music, which meant going to college. He got a scholarship for his first choice school starting the winter semester, so he spent the few months leading up to that working at a local grocery store, a job he kept through all four years of college. He landed a job out of college as an assistant to an up-and-coming music producer, the job he wished he would one day also have. After a couple years of toiling away under said producer, he was finally given a chance to show what he could do. He produced a ballad for a debuting artist named Do Kyungsoo, who would become his favorite artist to work with. The song quickly rose up the charts and lead them both to a level of fame and popularity neither had even dreamed of. Unfortunately for Baekhyun, Kyungsoo was a problem.

He didn't know if it was just their personalities or if their really was something there, but he always felt a flare of jealousy when he saw the two of them together. Chanyeol had always been a nice person. He got along with everyone. It was no real surprise that Chanyeol was friendly with Kyungsoo. But Kyungsoo, as far as Baekhyun could tell, wasn't a people person. Every time Kyungsoo looked at him, all he got was angry glares, the complete opposite of the sweet smiles he gave Chanyeol. The pair shared food and laughs and Kyungsoo never even talked to Baekhyun. All of this confused Baekhyun to no end, and only added fuel to the fire of his jealousy. He even started to notice all the time Chanyeol spent at the studio with the other, time he could've been spending at home with his boyfriend. Baekhyun was jealous and getting desperate and had no idea what to do.

Desperate times call for desperate measures and that's how Baekhyun found himself sitting on the couch in Kris and Tao's apartment, curled up with his knees against his chest. The pair were immediately concerned when he showed up unannounced on their doorstep looking like someone kicked his puppy.

“What's wrong, Baek?” Kris asked, trying not to sound as worried and upset as he actually was. They knew more about his past now, Baekhyun had eventually told them about his cutting and he was doing so much better now, that they didn't want to see him backpedal.

“I don't wanna lose Chanyeol. I'm so scared I'm gonna lose him.”

“Why would you lose him? Chanyeol loves you,” Kris asked, confused.

“He never spends time with me anymore. He comes home late from work every night and ignores me. He rarely cuddles me in his sleep anymore. Every time I want to do something with him, he's at work.”

“He's working really hard to give you guys a good life. He loves you and wants you to have a happy life. He's doing it for you.”

“If he wants me to be happy then he'd spend time with me. He'd have lunch with me like he used to. He'd hold me when I'm sad. He'd come home to me at a normal time instead of staying late at work with Kyungsoo.”

“Oh,” Kris responded, finally seeing where all this was going. “You're jealous.” Baekhyun always hated that word and he never had been a jealous person before. But something about another person threatening his relationship with the one person who'd been there for him all these years made him feel jealous and upset.

“I guess,” Baekhyun responded, burying his face between his knees, trying desperately to not cry. He'd been through too much with Chanyeol. He was the only person who stuck with him through everything, through the bullying, through the depression. He fell in love with Chanyeol because of his kind heart and now someone else was trying to take that from him.

“So, what are you going to do about that?” Kris asked with an evil smirk.

“What?”

“What are you going to do about this guy? How are you going to remind Chanyeol that he loves you?”

“I don't know. I don't know what to do. That's why I came to you.” Baekhyun would normally never go to Kris for help, having heard about all his hair-brained ideas from Chanyeol. But right now he was desperate.

“So you want my help?” Kris asked, Baekhyun nodding in reply. “Okay. I'll tell you what to do, but only because it's you. I love you and I hate seeing you upset.” Kris' protective instinct over Baekhyun had never gone away, even after they'd graduated high school.

“Thank you, Kris,” Baekhyun said, Kris moving to sit next to the smaller, wrapping him up in his arms and wiping away the tears that were beginning to fall.

 

◊◊◊

 

The first time Baekhyun tried getting through to his boyfriend didn't go well. He showed up at the studio late, when Chanyeol should have been leaving, and discovered Kyungsoo was there by himself, Chanyeol having gone to the bathroom. One glare from the other had him scampering from the room, running into Chanyeol on the way out. He quickly spat out a lie about wanting to see if he was ready to go and seeing that he still had work to do, he didn't want to disturb him and would wait for him to come home. Chanyeol finally came home nearly five hours later, Baekhyun already passed out in bed, the taller not noticing the dried tear tracks on his face.

The second time he lost his courage before he even made it into the studio, seeing the way the two of them were sitting with food on the table between them, laughing at each other and getting along so well. Baekhyun quickly turned around and left the building without either of them noticing him standing there.

The third time Chanyeol got mad that Baekhyun interrupted them while they were recording. He yelled at Baekhyun, asked him to leave despite the tears brimming in his eyes, and Baekhyun left with his head down. Chanyeol came home early that night and apologized. Baekhyun forgave him over the delicious meal the taller cooked as part of the apology. Baekhyun knew they were stressed and he felt bad about walking in on them working, actually working. He wasn't sure he wanted to try again, that maybe it would get better in time, but Kris encouraged him to try one last time.

 

◊◊◊

 

Baekhyun was nervous, Kris told him how to get Chanyeol's attention and show Kyungsoo exactly who Chanyeol belonged to. He knew what to do, but he was still nervous. He wouldn't have had any issues putting himself out there like this was usually, but with his relationship seemingly on the line, he was extremely nervous.

It was the time Baekhyun usually came for lunch before all his boyfriend's time was taken up by someone else, just like every other time he tried to do this. He knew Chanyeol would be in the studio either having lunch with Kyungsoo or working with Kyungsoo. Either way, it would just be the two of them since Kyungsoo refused to work with anyone else.

Walking towards Chanyeol's studio, Baekhyun had to hype himself up. He could do this. This was easy. There would be no doubt in anyone's mind that Chanyeol loved Baekhyun.

As he slowly and quietly opened the studio door, Baekhyun saw Chanyeol sitting at the mixer, his eyes closed and listening intently to Kyungsoo singing behind the glass. If there was one thing Baekhyun hated to admit, it was that Kyungsoo was an amazing singer. That just made him even more jealous.

Chanyeol was so focused on listening to Kyungsoo's singing that he didn't hear the other coming until he had pulled his chair back and perched himself on the taller's lap. He rested his head on his boyfriend's shoulder, facing away from him, giving himself a minute to get himself together before he acted out the plan. The arms that wrapped around him seemed to help him calm.

“What are you doing here, Baek? I'm working.”

“I know. I just never really get to see you anymore. I missed you.” For the moment, they both had forgotten about the other person that was still singing on the other side of the glass.

“I'm sorry, baby. We're just trying really hard to get this album finished. The first one went so well and we have so many expectations on to do even better. I promise, when this is all over, I'll take a whole week off to be with you.”

“But when will that be? You've been at this for months. I miss you so much, Channie.” Baekhyun had sat up in his lap now, facing him with that pout that he knew his boyfriend couldn't resist.

“Okay. How can I make this up to you now?” Chanyeol caved in so quickly, Baekhyun almost backed down from his plan. But when he heard the sound of Kyungsoo setting down the headphones behind him and starting to open the door to head back out, he knew it was now or never.

“I can think of something,” Baekhyun whispered, leaning forward and connecting their lips in a passionate kiss that set his whole body on fire from how long it had been since it had happened. He lost himself for a minute, only coming back to when he heard Kyungsoo cough from the side, clearly wanting his presence known. Chanyeol pulled back first, red tinting his face when he saw the short male next to them.

“I'm sorry, Soo. I guess I never really introduced you two,” Chanyeol finally said, wiping his lips from the saliva that had gathered from the kiss. Baekhyun's mind swirled at the nickname. They were that close? “This is Baekhyun, my boyfriend. And this is Kyungsoo, the artist I've been helping with his album.”

“I know who he is,” Baekhyun replied, obvious annoyance in his voice. Kyungsoo only glared as he usually did. It was so clear that Kyungsoo didn't like him and even when it was right in front of him, Chanyeol still took no notice.

“I've sort of been neglecting Baekhyun at home while we've been working here so much. He came to see me cause he's missed me so much,” Chanyeol explained to the other, somehow painting himself in the best light and making Baekhyun seem needy.

“Chanyeol was just apologizing to me when you interrupted.” Though it was said in the sweetest voice he could muster, Chanyeol still read the hostility.

“Be nice, baby. You were kinda the one who interrupted us.”

“Oh really?” Baekhyun questioned back, starting to get mad at the situation.

“Yeah. We were recording and you walked in unannounced and threw yourself at me.”

“I wouldn't have had to if you paid more attention to me. Any attention at all, really.”

“So it's my fault for trying to make a living for us? What do you do during the day, Baekhyun? Sit around at home and watch tv?”

“How would you know? You're never there.” The tension was becoming thick in the room and Kyungsoo wanted to stop it, but it only seemed to make things worse.

“Hey now, let's just calm down. We should get back to work.” Baekhyun stood up from his boyfriend's lap, heading to the door.

“Yeah. I shouldn't keep you two from whatever it is you do here until all hours of the night. Please, continue on like I don't exist.”

“That's not fair and you know it, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol responded, getting up and heading towards him. “You know why I'm here so late. We've talked about this before.”

“That's all we've talked about in nearly two months. Clearly you'd rather be here with him then at home with me. I get it. I'll see you tonight. Or tomorrow. I don't know.” Baekhyun left without another word and Chanyeol didn't try to get him to stay, which only hurt Baekhyun more. He didn't try to deny that he liked Kyungsoo more. He let him go and Baekhyun felt the beginning of his heart break.

 

◊◊◊

 

Baekhyun had barely been home for an hour when he heard the front door slam open. He was surprised, to say the least, that Chanyeol was home this early, but he didn't let it show. He just sat where he landed when he got home, on the couch with his arms around his knees, tear tracks down his cheeks. He didn't even flinch when Chanyeol came in the room and immediately started yelling at him.

“What the hell was that, Baekhyun?!” Chanyeol hardly ever used his full name anymore, it only meant he was mad, but this time it didn't even faze the smaller. He sat there silently, refusing to answer his question. If he didn't already know the answer, he didn't feel the need to tell him.

“I'm talking to you! What the hell just happened?! You came into my work, practically assaulted me, then yelled at me about spending time at my place of work! You embarrassed me in front of Kyungsoo and made me seem like a terrible person when all I've been trying to do is my job. What has gotten into you?” Baekhyun continued to stay silent, staring at the wall across from him, which should've been Chanyeol's first clue that something was wrong.

“So you're not talking to me now? You're giving me the silent treatment?” Again, no answer. “Fine. I'll make it a lot easier for you.” Chanyeol stormed off to their bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He didn't come out for about ten minutes and when he did, he had a bag in his hands and his laptop in the other.

“I'm going to stay at Kris' place. If you want to talk, that's where I'll be.”

Nothing else was said as Chanyeol walked out the front door, silence filling the apartment again. It didn't set in that Baekhyun was alone until a couple minutes later and by then it was too late to call the other back.

Now he was alone.

 

◊◊◊

 

Baekhyun cried himself to sleep that night and several nights after. He slept two hours a night max, only to wake up tossing and turning because he couldn't get comfortable in such a big bed all by himself. He was lonely and he was hurt and he was depressed, which was a bad combination for him. He started feeling like he did the first time Chanyeol left him, after he confessed that he loved him. Did Chanyeol still love him after this? Probably not, if he could leave him that easily. He never should have listened to Kris. He should've just talked to him, like an adult. Instead he went with a plan that he should've known would bring no good.

The fifth night by himself had him searching through the bathroom for the stash of razor replacement heads he knew they kept. Chanyeol tried to keep them out of reach of the smaller, knowing his history, but he wasn't here to keep them from him now.

Baekhyun found them on the very top shelf of the closet in the bathroom, pushed close to the back. He pulled out the whole bag, only grabbing one as he sat on the toilet, thinking through all this. Was it worth it? Would Chanyeol come back and see what he'd done? Would he even care? Of course not. Chanyeol left. He wouldn't care even if he did come back, which would only be long enough to grab the rest of his stuff.

The first slice into his wrist was painful, he hadn't done this in years. But the pain vanished quickly by the time he sliced into his skin the third time, letting the blade drop to the counter next to him. He stared down at the blood pooling on his skin, running down his arm. He felt a little better as he cleaned himself up and bandaged his wrist.

But the pain only came back the next day, adding two more fresh cuts into the same wrist. When he ran out of room on the left, he moved onto the right. Everyday, he added more to the collection.

There was no one to stop him and no one to stop the pain.

 

◊◊◊

 

Chanyeol had been staying at Kris' for two weeks. He missed his place. He missed the kitchen that was always stocked with real food and not college bachelor instant food. He missed his large shower with the massaging shower head. He missed the huge tv and gaming consoles in the living room. He missed his king sized bed with the pillow top mattress. Mostly, he missed the small, warm body that cuddled up to him in the middle of the night. The small boy who had no concept of personal space. He missed the kisses, the hugs, the smiles, the 'I love you's. He missed Baekhyun.

In the time from when he left until now, two weeks later, he hadn't heard a thing from his tiny boyfriend. He really hoped he had, whether it be any angry call or a text message good night. Kris had tried to reason with him, tell him to go back and talk to him. But if Baekhyun didn't want to see him, didn't want to talk to him, then he wouldn't force himself on the smaller.

Unfortunately, after two weeks, his clothing supply was waning. He refused to borrow clothes from Kris and Tao was a bit too short. He finally acknowledged that he would have to go back to this apartment and that he might possibly run into Baekhyun. He wanted to, but he didn't want to fight with him again.

In the end, he forced himself to go.

Walking into the apartment, he thought he was alone. All the lights were off in the whole place. Baekhyun had a habit of leaving lights on at all times, but even the small plug-in lights in the hallway were turned off. It should have been a sign to Chanyeol that something was wrong, but once again, he didn't notice.

The bedroom was dark and silent, and seemingly empty. Chanyeol didn't even bother looking around as he walked to the closet with his bag, dropping off his dirty clothes in the hamper; he'd come back later and wash them so Baekhyun didn't have to. After packing up another two weeks worth of clothes, he made to leave the bedroom, but stopped when he heard shuffling and saw a small lump in his shared bed.

Baekhyun was curled up in a ball, almost completely under the blanket. His eyes were closed, asleep, but they were outlined by dark circles. His hair was unkempt and looked like a bird's nest. But what stood out to Chanyeol the most was the bandages on his wrists, both wrists. It had been years since he saw the smaller like that and he knew what it meant.

Chanyeol immediately dropped his bag, bounding over to the bed to pull his boyfriend in his arms, waking him up in the process.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked weakly. Now that Chanyeol was closer, he could see the way the boy's shirt was loose, much looser than it would have been when he left.

“What did you do to yourself? Why are you doing this again?” Chanyeol couldn't help the tears that were streaming down his face. He knew he was the reason, whether Baekhyun said it or not. “Why are you cutting again? I thought we were past this?”

“You left me. You said you'd never leave me again. But you did.”

“I'm so sorry, Baek. I just needed some time. We were both upset and you refused to talk to me. I thought you just wanted to be alone. I should've known better. I should've made us talk it out. I know better and I let you down.”

“Don't. It's not your fault. I'm weak. It's how I've always been. I understand if you decide you don't want me anymore. I won't blame you. You'd be happier with Kyungsoo, anyway.”

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol questioned, confused. “What does Kyungsoo have to do with this?”

“I know he's who you really want. That's why you spend so much time at the studio. He's handsome and he's a good singer. He's not broken and scarred like I am. He's perfect for you and I'm just me. I'm baggage.”

“Stop it. Right now,” Chanyeol interrupted. “Is that what this was all about? You thought I liked Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun's silence was answer enough. “Baby, that would never happen. First off, I love you. I've loved you for years and nothing and no one will change that. Secondly, Kyungsoo is not my type. He's too aggressive. I like small, cute boys. Ones that will let me cuddle them all day long and call them baby boy. Mostly, I like a boy named Baekhyun who loves me and yeah, he might not be perfect, but he's more than enough for me. And he's really worried me with these bandages and that he's turning into skin and bones.”

“I love you, Channie. Please, don't leave me again. Please.”

“I love you too, baby. I promise. Never again. Just don't do this to yourself anymore. You scared the hell out of me. I don't know what I'd do if I had lost you.” Baekhyun nodded, cuddling into his tall boyfriend as close as he could get. He missed his comforting scent and his strong arms holding him close.

“So you're staying?”

“I'm staying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the first bonus chapter. I've been wanting to do extra snippets for this story for awhile now. I have a few ideas written out and since this ended on such a happy note, I thought the first bonus should be angsty. Sorry for any tears, you guys.
> 
> I'm currently on vacation, staying with my best friend. I wrote almost all of this yesterday, then polished it up a little today and posted it. I hope you all like it. If anyone has any ideas for another bonus chapter, feel free to comment and let me know! I'd be happy to write more on this story since I love it so much.
> 
> See you guys next time!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work I have cross-posted on AFF and Wattpad. I'm uploading it to here because I am now working on bonus chapters. I hope you like it!


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